READING TIME TOPIC 20

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The Diary of a Dying Man - How to Prepare for and Cope with Aging - d4 r& X5 j" d9 P2 }/ d) n

1 T2 z# b, k% }* {July 2, 2009: Thursday Nite
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, v$ Y3 v9 r" O  A/ f- ?: J+ g' w    Do you know what a Gigolo is? A guy who is a paid dancing partner or an escort for lonely rich women. Well, tonight, after staring at the same walls, pictures and TV offerings [by default], the thought entered my mind to hire me a female Gigolo, which beats the bejabbers out of sitting home constantly alone with no one to talk to. Unfortunately, my cash flow, at the moment, is close to being negative. But, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If I'm lucky enough to sell the house across the street from where I live, I'll have about $100,000 to play with, and what better way is there to spend part of it than on a woman companion?5 ~- R0 H& S! k- `" w" E1 R% D- }

- M0 @% b* u/ O' B+ t6 ?There's darn sure no point in leaving all of that money to my kids - they don't need it for one thing, and for another, I earned it and I'm going to spend it - on me! If the house doesn't sell within a month or so, I will see about getting a reverse mortgage, after I study the pros and cons of that approach.
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    In reading A Case for the Existence of God, I've come to a point where I disagree with the brilliant author when he talks about EVIL, which he never defines, and the reason for our existence, which he says is not for pleasure. I've been wrestling with a definition for EVIL for a long time, and this is what I've come up with:
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                              EVIL is deliberate harm inflicted upon another person without just cause.5 [- E" n8 A1 B+ L' O

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6 Q$ s9 v& ]4 R2 a; M& k; f" J0 y    Then I tried to come up with examples of EVIL as opposed to wrong-doing that harms no one. How would you categorize these?
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& Z8 f: x- ?: @          1. Robbing a bank.    2. Purse snatching          3. Running a red light.                     4. Spanking your kid for being bad.
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9 x5 h# ], _3 C" L          5. Child molestation   6. Wife beating               7. Cheating on your spouse            8. Rape
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          9. Shop Lifting         10. Hit and run accident  11. Killing someone due to DUI     12. Torturing a prisoner     
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$ e9 h& h$ N$ G/ N        13. Serial killers         14. Car jacking               15. Littering                                   16. Cheating on your income tax2 i1 f! M: N# N5 x* K

& F1 |- P3 w+ p+ \: E7 n        17. Bullying               18. Cheating on a test      19. Borrowing $; not paying back   20. Lying on your resume ( U5 N  m8 j3 G0 J4 X( f
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   I think robbing a bank wrong but not EVIL because no individual is harmed, but purse snatching is EVIL. Running a red light could be EVIL if it causes an accident, but it's wrong because it could case one. #4 is not EVIL. I've done it and it actually did some good! #5, 6, 7, & 8. Obvious. #9: Wrong. #10: If a pole or tree is hit, wrong; if someone in the other vehicle is injured, EVIL. #11; #12; #13: EVIL  #14. If no one is hurt, just wrong. #15. Wrong  #16. Depends upon whether you are an IRS agent or the taxpayer. 17: EVIL  18. Who hasn't? It doesn't harm anyone, so it's just wrong, according to teachers. #19. Wrong, unless it's a large sum of money that harm's the lender. #21. If you are a health-care provider: EVIL; otherwise, you'll probably get caught and have to pay a price anyway.
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    One of the conundrums about EVIL, where people are harmed, is WHY the EVIL is perpetrated. What makes people, like serial killer Ted Bundy, inflict pain upon fellow human beings, especially defenseless one, like women? I don't buy the "childhood abuse" excuse. They are adults with free will, and they willfully destroy the lives of others. I would not have executed the guy. I'd have him spend the rest of his life in solitary confinement with absolutely no privileges. THAT is a fate worse than death. 6 `* ^2 Z& @: u( e8 L% \

0 V! w0 Z3 h2 V* e     In challenging the author's saying we were not created for pleasure, I think it's because the word implies debauchery - like. t8 G# {$ \& ^3 u3 B' \6 v

# J5 v& P; f5 q6 G$ Ahedonist are noted for. A better word would be JOY, as in the JOY of being alive and being able to participate in God's masterful creation: The Magnificent Universe we live in.5 j: _/ w8 ]5 K) L/ q3 [
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July 1, 2009: Wednesday  K) s3 B1 j& @& U) p7 p! t% P# b
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    A good book is a great companion for live-alones, especially if challenges your intellect and provides you with greater understanding of the Universe in which we live and what makes us tick. A Case for the Existence of God is just such a & N5 @9 s) `& a+ L" m; V. `% h3 H

& S& v/ W0 _: k5 xbook. In a way it's like playing a game or working on an interesting project. It absorbs your mind totally; everything else is extraneous. It's the kind of thoughtful book that you put down after reading several pages, and just contemplate what the
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/ I. V( N6 Y; }: c% Y: sauthor has said. The author, Dean Overman, is a top-of-the-line intellectual. Admittedly, a fourth of what he says is over my head, and that's the challenge I like. You don't learn to play better racquetball if you play someone you can beat easily. You
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must play the best to improve your game; it forces you to try to rise to the occasion. In a similar way this challenging book
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helps me improve my mind, keeping it alert and agile, which they say, is a good way to ward off Alzheimer's disease. It's/ z' C1 t2 ?9 w

6 z' Q& U! r3 y  ~- vinteresting that playing challenging racquetball and reading challenging books are what I believe have kept me as physically   
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and mentally alert at 88 as I was when I was much younger.4 f; u7 x8 V+ [; U3 G

0 u' e/ ?6 s8 A, N: Q    Here are some of the intriguing questions the author poses in the book:' {2 l7 M, J. \; G
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                                                Did the Universe have a beginning? [Think the Big Bang]  - D+ s: U; Z/ y9 k) S; O( Z
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                                                If so, what was going on prior to its beginning?" ?* @& P* |7 H4 J1 L6 U% Y: a. J
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                                                Why does the Universe exist?
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                                                Why were we created?   K& i3 s" M- n& Q5 X* C, z
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                                                "Who" created us?
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1 ?0 V( r/ N) m2 Q8 N+ T7 a                                                Can you have a creation without a Creator?' \8 O& F. }  S: L- J% l8 O! C

! _( [) k' P3 k4 H0 q                                                Why is there something rather than nothing?; K+ M+ v2 x4 _, U! ^7 ?
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                                                How is it that molecules [our "bricks"] became intelligent?- R0 \$ |/ W2 V  P

. y7 ?; Y- P/ c! }                                                Where did the intelligence come from?
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                                                What is the source of life and consciousness?, Q) t+ |/ P( V7 }3 W0 P( A

2 K  q/ g0 I: o# c2 T% @5 j                                                What is beauty and why is it that we can sense it?* Z7 [+ K/ ]$ m, l
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                                                How does evolution account for music and the important role it plays in our lives?
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                                                How is it that music pleases us and noise doesn't? Both are created by sound waves.( T5 o: v) ^! X2 [. J4 {- O
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    It's interesting that these provocative questions are never raised in our high schools, nor in our churches as far as I know.$ ~8 Y* Y' i; V$ Z4 x
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Excuse me, I'm anxious to get back to the book and do some more pondering. It's a great antidote for loneliness. 8 B: [/ s7 B  j0 |1 r
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June 30, 2009: Tuesday Night7 }0 a8 L# ^' ]* g# V
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    It finally dawned on me that I have been working my body too hard prior to playing racquetball [I just wasn't with it Saturday morning after doing all the yard mowing Friday] so I took the day off Monday to give it a rest, and sure enough, I felt a lot stronger on the court this morning, even beating one of my buddies handily in singles. $ v1 E& h" S" e5 E! x/ `

  U4 t2 t8 b7 l8 ~- p    A few final quotes from the book PLAY:
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& F- T; Z- M* T& F3 w                 "If we stop playing, we share the fate of all animals that grow out of play. Our behavior becomes fixed. . D7 O7 I7 f; @
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             We lose interest in new and different things. We no longer take pleasure in the world around us. We
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             simply no longer have FUN!"# ^" ?* H2 J8 T3 V& f  v
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                 "When we stop playing we stop developing, and when that happens the laws of entropy take over. Things4 R- |" e" g" u& E. O( O" J
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             fall apart. We become vegetative, staying in one spot until we rot mentally and eventually, physically. When we
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: \4 ]0 f! o( l* E& G1 h             stop playing, we start dying."
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    I played around verbally with a lady friend at racquetball this morning who lost her husband a few months ago, inviting her 2 ?8 w. q, A0 i- U# _, G5 t5 R
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to dinner, Dutch Treat, telling her I was tired of paying for women's dinners and winding up with only the bill. I believe she 3 U  X. |+ D" H: k" ^

$ i. e( w  Y% E1 K, c3 l4 O4 H# fthinks I too old for her, and I probably am, chronologically, because she asked about my son Paul who is only 60. I shot right back at her saying, "I'm in a lot better shape than he is" and told her why. Actually, I may be in even better shape than she is!     Anyhow she didn't commit herself, and I'm not all that sure I want to commit myself. In applying my Sight Test to her, I give her a rating of about 60%. I realize she may rate me even lower, but that's the way the game is played. I wouldn't mess with any woman who rates less than 50%, which is way above where I place the likes of woman who look like Roseanne Barr and gay Rosie O'Donnell. I just can't imagine doing any hugging and kissing with women who look like them! 1 Y) U( x- V* _% O8 J9 @3 c2 L0 }! q

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6 C& X' y& t4 A% o    I've started this book tonight:
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  V. r) C& K: J/ ~& d    Those who know me know I'll read any book with the word GOD in its title. I suppose I'm a God freak. I was pleased to read in the Preface that he and I are in agreement with what I said 20 years ago. To wit:& h* c# A8 T/ ^
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          "The existence of God is consistent with the underlying foundation of information as the basis for physical existence.  
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) A( x+ _5 u3 D# C        Information is not matter or energy. Many of the world's leading physicists now understand that quantum mechanics9 ?$ C2 p9 B5 b

/ M) b. i% H* T" e' }/ Y1 [: F  M( u        [the study of the world of atoms and their particles] is based in information as the immaterial irreducible seed of the$ ]4 P# v0 k/ h7 G* k$ z& x

: ~/ f0 z9 S) ~8 k6 J9 k* x6 w, g        Universe and all physical existence."
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    In short and plain English, - X1 c6 Y; \% z; W. Q5 E

2 E1 G" S: X8 D( Q# f& Z/ g: J                                     "In the beginning was the Word [information] and the word was God."
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                                                                                                    Genesis
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    And, in follows that Intelligence [Information]came first! Now, ain't that cool!!!! How mysterious!!!!  5 S( b4 L4 Y' |0 X" _
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June 29, 2009: Monday Night
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3 U  F& g" a: I  d    Every week or so I pick out about 4 new books at the local library, read the blurbs on the inside front cover and the testimonials on the back cover and make my choices. This one caught my fancy:3 z4 H0 G- X$ q# s! E' T' _

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+ o- E. g( P/ Q& P8 R: D6 h. Z                                                                Good choice. Very readable and informative in the sense that it helps me understand myself and verifies that I am on the right track. Here are a few excerpts:5 y7 M! k  ~7 u" P4 M& a) R
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            Once people understand what play does for them, they can learn to bring a sense of excitement and adventure1 G' T+ ?! o, N' |

$ p* \0 s* b* s2 Q/ B/ ^         back into their lives, make work an extension of their play lives, and engage fully with the world.2 b# z5 K: {; m) i$ A2 Q1 J, I$ z1 x
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    Two of my activities bring me a great sense of excitement and adventure. One is playing racquetball; the other is riding my motorcycle. When you enter the 4-wall racquetball court, you become alive. Metaphorically, it's a matter of "kill or be killed,3 @% A( ?0 S8 x7 f" x
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comparable, psychologically, to being in a fire fight in Afghanistan. The objective is to put your opponent ["enemy"] down in racquet to racquet combat. On occasion it does get physical, as when you hit inadvertently hit your opponent in the head or in the middle of his back with a hard hit ball. While the odds are against it, we sometimes hit each other with our racquet - OUCH!; ]# h/ z) O" s. [" X: |
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But it's exciting, challenging and rewarding when you eek out a victory in a close game. A bonus is that you get a natural high0 D7 V! v0 u/ L

- M/ Y- p: L8 |! cfrom an adrenalin rush and the generation of endorphins that lasts the whole day. 2 R/ M3 A0 Y& j& C3 t4 O0 |3 O
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    I rode my motorcycle to the post office, Wal-Mart's and Publix this morning. It's always an adventure and exciting. As soon
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$ b) E& @1 r% E0 E& Q) fas you scratch off, your mind goes into a high state of alertness. It doesn't take much of a bumping to throw you off the 750 lb. powerful monster. But the risks are worth it. It's thrilling to gun the engine into accelerating to 65 or 70 mph in just a few seconds!
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Taking curves and leaning into them with hair flying and the wind pushing against your face is exhilarating, and the sense of freedom must be close to what birds feel flying through the air.
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$ L0 D- R5 G1 ]6 U, I' x    The author:
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               Play has an inherent attraction. It's fun and exciting. It makes you feel good. It provides psychological arousal.
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           It is being alive versus being in limbo. It's a cure for boredom. All of our problems disappear. The only important4 a" H1 V/ s" e4 H  r" `

8 X6 p; m, O0 T7 Y           thing is playing the game. We get into the zone, and go with the flow.
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) G9 K6 Z6 q7 W, V$ R    While I can't be a Kobe Bryant or a Dwight Howard, I can darn sure have just as much fun and satisfaction doing it my way!
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We don’t stop playing
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$ m$ X, T0 ^/ A) I5 Q2 ?) p- y  Y- Hbecause we grow old,
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we grow old because 0 a7 x! R2 A+ v

# ^) ?6 p) N9 Uwe stop playing.
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The longer I live8 t5 J4 Q( m/ n3 S& q3 J
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the more beautiful & f5 g" o  b" x6 Y' d% u" I, w1 U

5 p, [# u% H' ^+ \1 X8 klife becomes.
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; q* O. E. B8 d  TFrank Lloyd Wright
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0 q+ j, C& T! U                   P.S. People who don't read books, and there are a lot of them, are sure missing a lot!$ m! J, X+ N6 Z1 t+ F5 X
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% D9 T6 k0 e+ t/ \June 28, 2009: Sunday Afternoon
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    I spend a great deal of think-time reliving yesterdays. It may be my age but I find memories of the great times I had with my Babs, my wife of 57 years, to be precious, and definitely not a waste of time. I have pictures displayed all over the house and enjoy watching videos I made during trips we made to Italy, England, Ireland and especially Hawaii, where we did a hell-u-va-lot of honeymooning.
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When you make a mistake,3 y: P" X/ P  U+ _7 m9 A) B" P
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don’t look back on it long.2 K! c# l+ D2 P: b
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Take the lesson of the thing6 F* Y, }& E2 n. O; h- Q% @

8 s2 y& ^7 R- H) G3 b, {4 uinto your mind$ n' b6 ?: p3 ]' {' Z, U( p

( v& x. g* o2 _and then look forward.6 k4 J" N* z) y7 V3 C5 ~  |7 x

% _6 x  @. v( P# `" E0 d- g2 B' [) ?Mistakes are lessons % O6 m, ~$ f: a) w# h" _

7 S. ~, [3 x7 w5 B6 h( [1 o! R& O* Xof wisdom.' `& s8 Y- v5 e$ e
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The past cannot be changed.
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' g! @& R2 u! X; ^. i8 g& p" \$ J5 cThe future $ R% w6 N7 Q1 D( o' r
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is yet in your power.8 z( A9 Z) y6 d) l0 B
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Hugh White.
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* v6 l. l0 H. Z2 {It’s so simple to be wise.
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Just think 3 M9 T5 a# H" C& D

9 r* k/ n# X+ n# Jof something stupid to say
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, Y, J' h% e' q! `% T  X! k0 dthen don’t say it.
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5 P6 K1 f- b# p# q$ BSam Levenson8 }6 |% ]6 e5 N0 f8 c  ^5 J
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9 @5 F8 a, r& z. {$ z6 [Love has nothing
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to do with age.) N9 W1 Y" X1 _* d
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People grow old merely by living4 D1 y2 Y0 l: f; n% E4 {* }. n% A0 L
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a certain number of years.
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$ e/ A+ @+ n) K' uAging is an activity of the mind, 9 E; z, ^7 q- n% b( K
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an attitude.5 m: ?, b' }6 \  ^( r5 s
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We grow old
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We age when we relinquish ; I) v  j! P/ t; a: T2 o! @
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our ideals,' C% {, U1 K  W1 M3 A% C( i
+ U2 r& K1 U. z  t! b! c9 t/ T
our dignity,
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our hope, % u5 |5 Q$ X( k4 Y+ k" j6 h& K( y( n

2 ^0 N3 |; ?8 M8 @our belief in miracles." S+ T9 g4 W5 k& X, o1 @+ T, v
% P, r" A( h1 [  b- `" v' Z( d
Leo Buscaglio – Born for Love

linxingxing

June 27, 2009: Saturday Nite: x- J  c8 z* q$ A" o9 E2 J
- y3 X8 F& d* W( P
    Walked into the club house and said to my racquetball buddies, "Hey guys, did you hear the BIG news?" Roger, the
' w! Y6 `6 A/ ]2 r) g) O
1 K; w* e. x7 f! J" b/ I2 @guy I bug with unanswerable questions [i.e. What was there before the Big Bang and "who" created God?] knew exactly
' r% d7 A' [6 u+ P& R, U1 K( @0 U
what was coming next. "Wow!" I said, "Michael Jackson, America's heroic iconic weirdo is dead." Now, I'm not crazy
- V* O( v5 |3 M4 O+ c- o0 t" |2 a9 N2 a+ U7 m+ T  X1 i" `
enough to say that amongst his fans; I'd get beaten to death! But, tell me. Shouldn't we give as at least much media coverage 0 N. h' h- z2 e$ o  v$ U1 ]; w
+ B5 C9 Z7 l$ R, t# M
to the two American soldiers who were killed in Afghanistan by a roadside bomb? Who the hell were they? Nobody knows+ a. q! @0 W* N4 j" E5 a8 i

7 E3 I. f$ Y( Wbut their buddies, families and friends! I can't believe how lop-sided our sense of values is. In honor of Michael, I shall not
, f( U( \1 N% [$ e" n, e9 C# _6 a6 y- x! J) A$ Q5 _
watch any TV news for the next three days.   2 ?$ f* U! L+ `( z2 r8 B. y6 U
$ n5 w0 B2 H" d) _

& p" H- A# V$ k' c, R' i* d8 N 3 g; {: n$ S" V2 o: l- R( `4 t

4 ?' r4 a5 |  V9 U' bA Medal for a Son
+ l1 h$ ?/ E3 L9 Z$ d% K( ~7 r: X) t, J
[Vietnam War Era]  `, _8 }/ c" J% ]4 r# z

" K4 i* O6 {( G" n ; z- P0 V8 [3 d5 _0 P0 V2 v' k

$ P3 _0 w) U7 x- u. J& wYour mother watched
4 V/ K; p! }7 U* @( \# o: v6 B
  t2 I. W3 Z0 j1 D7 V4 fher pre-natal diet
( ?& v# B3 F* ?- D* S: ?& @0 f6 u! U' B: [1 h5 U/ N& E. C5 i1 V
for your sake,4 g6 J8 w9 S, `7 u5 l/ m# N

; ~- ^3 S- o7 Fwhile you father
1 U  O+ S3 y( z, x( x* |; Z% K, F" ~7 l$ ?% Q. N6 }1 [* o
sweated to pay the bills.  v/ G! {0 x. [; p" N* [0 C$ u
1 T9 w% r0 g5 Z- K8 p+ J

' ]/ {/ U$ V1 x! }; d2 X# f  x  V
3 H2 z' u3 ^/ k1 a7 KEach heart rejoiced4 M( X9 Z5 ]. p5 K& t3 E6 U( J

- A& U* n) J! F8 l+ ewith pure delight; x8 g* Y7 n! Z7 E' G

+ V5 X8 g, M; |! Cthrough years
, r0 N, Z( h8 Y# F' k
0 Y8 t# a" U7 Q# {. U& x+ }of nurturing.( g9 H! M7 h% X! _

5 A9 ~. c6 n# z- D8 Z   B7 R0 S" B4 i0 p  \. h

/ O. V+ i# j* E0 K) ]# H8 ^- {3 |9 k2 VBed-time stories;9 D3 r9 H' @8 l1 s6 b

+ y' i: S( e0 s% y1 \playing catch;
' |1 {7 Q8 H8 e
9 f! g7 f7 n6 D! C7 ybumps and bruises,
) W) l9 E7 g5 Y+ [5 g3 {; |) [% Y/ V
. X4 P/ a4 d3 B( Ubooster shots.
8 }, Z' g8 A& c5 f+ d9 @
5 E) r* @  G! T7 t# }
4 Q# C: n  X* D1 n
0 q, y/ e2 N2 f0 vIn sickness, health,! a3 M% h( ]/ Y% n& a

' }( W# z& x  D" Xand major-minor mishaps,
6 w' v1 D6 p  j8 d
) y2 G* n$ t6 O+ Zall bound together
. V0 j) q; S3 G9 Q5 @
% h4 V6 r$ j! a% F3 n- Ptill death do us part.
. \/ @. C4 p( y/ p: m6 E$ T+ a4 R) t$ @
: T! ~* w- G3 m2 B0 L* F2 P

" ^, H8 G5 z$ K4 `; v/ e- I“Son, take you vitamins;
8 T& [' F1 J5 u8 B: C9 F5 v3 w- Y
' d7 C4 `  \! V; Z) q5 _) K5 \                                                                                    mind you manners.                                 % c/ c% x+ @  V' p
9 D/ w2 R! h( T7 @, D
Hurry!: Y1 @) m" U2 \+ X% O0 B

+ J, g% n8 ?7 t+ LWe’ll be late for church.”9 }) J& _  k" \* g( q- ?- P
$ }# k- t8 H# C1 k9 S1 D

- P9 ^9 K7 j' p$ o4 _3 b1 s
) Y2 v, ^6 S) ?8 w1 n8 MAh, then school at last where2 m4 {/ r: I2 C9 D* M8 K7 A# u
, T5 v; v% R" n' `( A
disciplined learning reigns,0 o) G* \: [% j! u
1 m  e2 R4 O- D5 Y' N; }
and the important thing+ N: R( T$ k2 s, A3 j3 X
6 b4 B. A0 S2 l, D5 C' S6 A9 D
is to get along! h, @9 |( J! R
5 L1 c- ?6 o: \8 y
with the group.
2 x9 [( Q# c# K, e
, I& k) I2 o# A
1 L4 d+ E* L8 ?4 X
4 B  x# G+ k" _! lBut soon, the bauble bursts
8 A* A, K( l5 i% y4 f# K5 o8 B4 E  |# v
and the TV scene7 {6 y( [; b+ \# O2 \
6 W6 q! A3 u  n/ P% G" z
shows hate, not love,0 G2 \" I0 F2 z9 z
! ^( ]+ x. [5 c! _' l0 o$ x
as Blacks lash out,
3 `$ q# O$ y, H# _6 J2 ^" {" O
: Y- L) Z. {' p" z$ Band cold assassinations
& R6 T/ C) X  y1 r9 g; v# [( Y& f/ a% ~6 @
vie with a brutalizing
  }- l5 _- L$ p% E- p
. @# |& P: s1 u6 k- O0 yundeclared war3 b5 P" Z/ I1 h0 X) x$ O: q( |) K" K

) h3 ~1 ]7 U- Y2 w4 K( S7 G, ?; }for your attention.
% R8 Z* h- o9 w1 Q( ]/ {: X5 W; z- w9 d+ j1 _, p  x- L" R
: S6 t8 V. ~6 l6 Z$ J) @
: i" U) S/ b3 ~7 w$ O$ K
Then, on to
( Q( H& \) y- e# y+ W5 T1 }6 s2 _) I& Y) u/ W% D% x1 s" u
the highest school5 _( r8 M9 }6 M1 c5 Z3 F
: J& f- t/ a9 `. O, I& X
where instilled dissent; H2 B$ Q* o0 n, Q
$ ^1 R$ A% S3 f5 v& ?6 f
ruptured the mind,& o) O) Z5 E5 o. p
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and freed the will( _) N8 K0 H. v& ]

- N, _( C- O! {, \8 Vfor aimless wandering.
/ G5 E' h4 w3 s8 t: S" S$ w
5 S. ]7 j: r4 Z1 J4 y! r 1 g( v6 k  _! g

$ r. V3 U9 M' y7 A9 WFree at last! No restraints!
% E& M8 H5 S9 B6 l- e" m% J& p- [! u  P  N, q+ B
barefoot, bearded,$ l) k) L( Z9 o, Q2 f% w

$ N/ F$ n6 L9 f; ~6 G. Kflowers in hand,; \$ u+ \5 M* O( U: d% G

+ ?. y7 k7 {6 s7 speace and love
5 I! `) ^3 \. ~7 z( R2 S4 t6 @& G; v3 g) x/ M( K0 F
at any price!
( H+ d& Y1 g4 q& s: Q" i# p2 [/ ]  t6 W$ ?0 K" @" K/ \
  c1 s9 B' Y5 s! l  |% p9 \
6 b- M8 ^: \$ l' J* f
Old tarnished world,
4 o1 S) H$ o0 v* k- @- w) y" F$ \( F1 T. y
split!/ z  H& w0 H/ P, ~# a
4 G4 l& p7 k/ q% Y$ H- B0 b
You who made it so,
( a8 C, A$ s( p# Y7 w  J$ _$ V
; s$ t0 F! U4 x% E, A: Rsplit too!+ |# y& y( l/ _5 z
  q& `: W; I) R5 _8 @. _4 A

( {# E! b* R4 w( b
* Q8 z& K( D% Y) nDamn the war!% \6 s( s$ {4 Y

; \6 ?- I) P' p, jdamn the draft!& a0 M2 a& y8 E
: m# N; I' A! q' b( {
damn the track
2 k/ H6 D3 _# y0 c3 `, k% h: [" E( f! d  j, D. X6 o0 Q. J
you’ve put me on.+ o$ v( v/ z$ ~; p

8 R6 Z/ `( |# s5 wI want out – now!
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: e- Z7 o6 i: X
2 }6 g" N! B8 a4 dTemporarily lost,9 C( o. B0 |3 s& K, l* S% T
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the bewildered mind. {1 z  N) M1 x: v( S0 p

" H# _( M- {  X% p' N3 R: h. G# tfree from bonds 8 }6 p& g/ A# Z. O2 U9 F
# b  y6 `$ n' z( L9 [
of convention,
; @$ X+ p/ u1 M3 E9 _- D9 N8 D  c
  e. f+ [) c/ R) I: B2 ?smells the sweet flowers
" e; g4 `% r) x8 _1 L6 R0 G4 p  C8 x
8 c6 N: T) b( b3 aof oblivion and trips
  B5 [- S6 T1 T' }: ^
4 r) |' V5 [" pinto the never-never land: F) i; n* Q+ p

; V: x; G% Z* ?" z9 w6 y; Oof no worries, no frustrations,
9 z# g0 i3 \' ^2 d/ O+ Z& t! f
0 I& O' p3 e. j$ F7 x# I3 f3 mno reality.9 q0 K0 M# Z( B, H# u2 m0 s6 V

- X; e# g3 \+ U+ v$ i+ cBut dreams get busted
( x3 K9 Z4 u, _3 V
9 }, _: }0 G1 h6 @/ fand reality
4 P) ?; F7 O. r0 Y% Z2 K0 |& s
) Z3 c9 z. j6 |# w2 b7 h( A( wcrowds in upon you;* \3 \5 E1 a5 D: F' z
6 }9 a7 x9 J  J& ^
the old world demands - }  n9 Q9 F7 d
; K! H8 \( R& \  U# X8 G1 q
its pound of flesh.
; I7 V, M+ Z3 P0 \  B4 Y% J$ v+ q7 B( D7 q
$ Z+ _0 a& d9 D& L! @; C  K  ~
) L) N  e( K9 ~
Greetings! 3 U, r" x; o' Z) A

; i6 M, i2 r$ pfrom the draft board
- o8 j) m: J# f* g. \+ N4 [# c0 G2 `, g8 z4 q/ E% y
starts the immutable forces9 V' s& E& f' G$ z4 @
1 B, r7 u) ^+ I
that work their ways
6 K; N" A& s+ m- Y) A" C
' u# q2 f! n: M0 _& @2 I& l' o" i against you.) ~# _6 _, G5 }. _! Q

! N' }- _, e( V4 z
9 J- P/ m) G6 a- ^" [; w& p  l& v; ~' O; \+ E
War, barbarity,9 H4 ~3 S& l. d, r2 M

( M/ d/ Y: T- b) R+ l4 Vand primeval violence+ r3 _& n  R: j* F$ |
! n9 w. u9 N8 W- w  ?% ^
soon push aside
' H9 h/ L; v' Q( J; \3 T8 [* i! |! [. q+ R) E2 B
the youthful values
* j8 u+ @# h& Q/ ?2 w5 R! b9 O- {
6 Z! C3 o8 ^/ |. T- Q$ Wnurtured from the cradle.
6 ?; r$ R2 s) V$ J' }
: J) Z5 c' F% K6 x - i  K( S( ~1 ^; H3 e/ a! f- k% u; ^
5 I, }' f& w& t% y& u
It’s kill or be killed; F+ m$ |$ y4 J
; W0 g. l# E9 B2 ^
and you find out
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* t' {+ G; {1 j" T5 [ that killing kills
% o& o( ?5 [; ?* D, Y, p4 f
% W+ r- Z1 R: P0 @+ G, D) k; n* `0 }6 X the killer
# L+ U" G: _4 I# n
5 Z5 ~7 L% t7 Gand dealing death
1 C" K4 F( `& f8 u% ]- ~2 s+ H4 X& P+ }% k, T3 x
becomes a way of life.
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( D& f3 C: l. c' f3 ?For what? For naught: @1 i2 W# [' o
8 v" `7 p) b0 {! t5 P* d. {
is the cry/ j2 R4 U/ V5 n5 A& T6 d3 Y
0 k! R. N$ }# V0 e+ e1 T, c0 a( p
of the youthful mind2 }* D8 o* r7 ^% i
7 W) }, ^% `9 d) z) C3 F' S% w
that sees no sense
; h3 T$ R% a, g# n9 V& ]. |* b" n- d  w4 {0 y" M! v9 m
in the mutual killing- Y% {3 t4 {  ?' l6 ?) Q
* V' A# E5 I6 m8 a
of pseudo enemies.
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! u, o2 G7 j- L( i: M
7 |3 ~+ u5 y) T9 i: m
7 ], n: C& P' y# ]- O* ]' W, XThey too caught up, [: U' i5 B& e8 q) O% c
( L) H" M. j5 G! e' c' U
by the same monstrous forces1 o' c; p& L8 }% A/ A
( h7 t1 S5 ]1 P! R  N2 f, H, Y
that use youths as shields6 R+ n) v% z( T3 v( q+ R$ p
3 G) M& J6 N" Y) c, C4 o5 s3 F8 i
are loathe to kill,
+ p8 D! K. ^1 c& ^+ M
3 D9 ], q& u8 l6 x/ \' h# O and die,
+ ?# p6 D7 S" p' ^' F  L) }
2 K0 c6 P: k  M+ b0 }; U5 g) J: e0 ^for similar reasons.
, R# Q2 Y+ L/ B& ]; ?4 _) P3 u. t$ N$ L2 L! r

4 ]3 q+ w' {0 z8 T/ v9 g( E; p: R  O  `( U. k/ A9 F
But, lo you died,# @: D( }& g. W" w
1 |/ b0 Q- e/ w! A
despite our natal care,3 M, ]0 q# a0 @8 f" J; X6 q

9 i1 V% C# v' _4 @( Bfor dubious, unknown causes. G' [! q; W: v; n5 g, e8 O, e( w; K: V

( S7 O, \1 c0 Yand denied for reasons4 q3 W- l3 O/ s

' ^& t/ ?# ^- ^* ~& p3 k- B. xno one could adequately explain.) ^8 G6 b" r4 A

, J' G+ ~5 {0 u& b % s8 W, X- g1 [$ I8 r3 U8 D

, v% O$ c' a) W8 j6 _4 Z4 p# {2 }So,  we went to Washington
! d- V* s7 P; j6 \9 j- e( U& F" F0 G
- G+ i1 a8 ~9 G5 j# T- x5 xwhere the president duly solemn,
1 J6 |1 _9 `) t( u
2 f7 d0 ?2 ]' I" u, {and extravagant with praise,
8 E  L1 y7 w3 _+ y1 l2 H' T+ }5 r9 e
6 b4 e! a7 R5 p/ [awarded you posthumously
( j3 m3 h# B$ ]  S2 l1 H4 e) N% G+ S- s4 u
with an encoffined trinket6 S+ X/ B5 h3 W& l: \
$ w$ r1 c$ E6 _5 \+ Q$ N
symbolizing
3 g: g: l3 f, j, G  p: u; ~" X* p% g( b
the ultimate absurdity,9 e, f0 p: y0 ?6 }6 \& u% |  S
! L7 T' ?' c& w$ G# P& s  i
a medal for a Son!5 x  g3 u4 b6 Y$ m/ {4 O

6 m* v2 O/ |, `& Y( k% vFrancis T. Sganga [1968]
' W+ k. ^$ \- G  W3 C( J4 Y
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" j* u8 d3 O$ c1 i' O
5 Y: i9 j2 h5 b* V6 k1 U
0 {1 B! ~3 y7 v0 T( r" B$ u

5 ?$ e- F0 [1 ?June 26, 2009: Friday Nite
: o! |1 K* v) N5 l
9 K; a* g9 o1 _1 w     I'm really working the hell out of my body! I'm doing all of the yard work, front and back, for two homes, Paul's and mine. That's mowing about 1/2 acre using a 22 in. push lawn mower. I do it till the machine runs out of gas or I do. After I stop, I limp my way to the pool where I work out some more for about 1/2 an hour. This is in addition to playing 5 games of racquetball yesterday morning, and I will be at it again tomorrow morning. At the moment I am only 157 lbs. and very physically fit.     
1 c3 k2 h5 A3 M( D+ E2 T/ \
. l- n& i4 i' ~# D     Essentially, I am experimenting with myself, and it could be risky since I'm supposed to have angina. Mowing in the hot Florida sun is rough! But I have zero symptoms, and at my last visit to my cardiologist, after telling him my routine, he didn't
, r" c1 {! P* R' M  ^+ d* r) |; K# I! D& ]
even both to put the stethoscope to my chest to listen to my heart beat. The other part of my experiment is to see if my new ; e2 ], U, M8 n1 \1 o
) {% V& J. j: M1 c  f
diet and physical regimen will bring down my cholesterol level from the 212 is was three weeks ago. * J, |- e4 h* I5 u! i: F
2 ?& z6 O- a8 d8 b, h* F6 d3 N: m
     I really don't mind being tested, and as with St. Paul, I have yet to be tested beyond what I can endure. This experience really put me to the test!     & a0 k" m0 B# O; C7 J

  H* E) }- @* }# Y     Three years ago, when I was only 86, I was put in jail after I had a bloody fight with my second wife who turned out to 5 k3 j/ l, [+ Y; p: F) r

7 e0 V- Q" D; I% F' a+ t8 Z! Gbe a coffin-chasing predator . When we were arrested and the cop told us we were going to jail, I argued with him saying I thought a domestic fight was a private matter, like doing kinky sex in your bedroom. Nope. He said it was a felony, especially since we both called 911 and we were both splattered with blood. So, both of us wound up spending the night in separate cells, sleeping on a plywood cot, with no pillow, and feasting on baloney and cheese sandwiches. ( C0 }/ ?% \8 @7 I

( N& ~) J& n' g    Since I was a retired educator turned writer, I decided think of my situation as a learning experience that I could one day write about. On the way to jail, as I sat in the back of the patrol car that had the seat removed and with my hands cuffed behind my back, I said to the cop, “Officer, I’ve never been to jail before. This will be an interesting experience.” “Yeah,” he said, “it’s going to be REAL interesting.”. E9 A+ J8 u4 {4 Q7 N
* E/ Q! y) {0 ?8 N# E' y
    The hardest part was the waiting. You sit in a holding cell that has nothing but a wooden bench and a stainless steel toilet along with a dozen or so other prisoners of all makes and models. Finally, after putting on an orange jump suit and waiting for When the guard opened the door to the holding cell, there I was facing about 30 of the toughest guys I ever saw. As I stood in the doorway with some 60 eyes staring at me, one of them looked at my wrinkled face and asked, “What the hell are YOU doing in here?” I scanned the faces around the room without responding and finally said, “OK, guys, it looks like I’m the oldest guy in this room, so I’m in charge!” They laughed out loud and greeted me like one of their own.
+ `; d% O8 A1 [" n5 f. \0 _) c6 ]6 L& Y) ]9 M, b$ ^3 `
     Then later while we were lined up to get our bedding and a roll of toilet paper, the guy behind me who was at least twice my size, asked the same question, “What the hell are YOU doing in here?” Looking up into his face, I said, “I’ll tell you what big guy. It took me 86 years to make it but I finally made it to the top with you big boys.” He shook my hand and said, “Welcome to the rat house. You’ll find your piece of cheese in your lunch bag.”3 a7 w0 N$ O0 v- |7 x" O/ V9 X
" m$ d2 w/ q3 p- r9 g: R7 j( [1 c
    After my release from jail, I signed a Deferred Prosecution Agreement to avoid going to trial, but I had to go to 8 weeks of Anger Management classes and was on probation for 6 months. Fortunately, the anger management instructor was a cute, well-built blonde, but to get even for having to attend the class and having to pay $122 each time, I gave her a bit of a fit. In the workbook we had, it said: List 5 things that frustrate you. This is what I wrote:; a$ ~' Y& F3 C, ]1 R  Y

/ H3 E7 o$ |0 V
* R5 W1 j* R) X0 }5 ?1 X9 H2 K3 ?6 x8 p6 i
        1. Being old.+ e; k4 }- s8 z+ g

% F$ i; W* f4 e( L4 N% D0 C% `0 r        2. Not being able to play racquetball like I used to.
# P% o& p8 u; b
9 d: T2 Z. ]/ K9 u        3. Not having a female companion.7 A7 `$ l6 b# `% V/ {

6 L" m3 d/ [5 n! |; ?6 W        4. Having a problem with erectile disfunction.
/ ^; {* G, q- P" W
, |- \8 E- t# z) ^        5. Not having easy access to a pair of boobs and a Royal Receptacle.
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                                                            So spoketh a dirty old man!
5 a- T- a; Y  o, ?3 W  E1 W3 z1 \6 e. n

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# {, `: Y$ K9 p+ D1 I- J  k4 r, QJune 25, 2009: Thursday Night: o+ R+ z. i' V2 Z
! m. V) z; S  A9 @" A9 o
    Hot dawg! Redeemed myself at racquetball this morning - won all 5 games! I feel great at 157 lbs. and I don't intend to backslide. Overdid the damn olive oil and I've given up shrimp till my next blood test. I expect my cholesterol level to go / \1 f7 V1 _- @; a* I2 U
3 Y( q' Y+ C; K3 ~4 K
down at least 20 points - from the 212 last time. Still pining for a woman, but I keep telling myself, patience! patience!
& K# s) x2 L! H9 {( T1 }0 I' b: c/ P$ W+ k
    I am having trouble getting motivated to work on my next book. First off, the chances of it being published are practically 0 R9 {, q" P# L1 m7 z( p! Z5 n' q
5 }7 L0 h' L/ y+ f
nil, and I'm sure not going to publish this one myself. Too costly and too hard to sell. I've already got a few hundred copies
- W; `. i+ N- p0 ?4 X# N
* e9 n9 O( s$ y8 m. t; C$ R; Wof my other books, good one mind you, sitting in boxes, so that route is out.
- N: y' |9 j3 S1 O0 c5 a
" |  x9 z/ z% g7 W    I write notes constantly when thoughts crop up during my extensive down time. I wrote this today figuring I can incorporate # T' a: b) D0 {( X% [- ^
$ a! P- }9 Z8 b/ }9 v% x
it into my book:
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    My body is the vehicle; my mind is the driver. My body is a wild horse; my mind is the rider that         tames it and must keep it under control. The body’s appetite for food and sex can be it’s downfall. Obesity and high rates of divorce testify to the pitfalls of over-indulgence in stuffing our mouths even when not hungry and giving in to an illicit sex drive that is indifferent to the consequences, like a person addicted to smoking is indifferent to its proven damage it does to his body.
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. P; z) I: `& s    The sex thing reminds me of the infidelity of Bill Clinton, ex-Gov. Spitzer of N.Y., John Edwards and now Mark Sanford, the Gov. of N.C. who has 4 thoroughly disgusted boys. , v1 B4 d- x" v5 m3 L% T: G) n
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    I actually did this:1 }/ K7 J' C1 B# s

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  J* {9 v0 X& b5 E" p0 ^/ P    To a cute chick at the reception counter at the Club Boom health club:
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! J3 \" j4 h2 j, N! l" S        “May I give you a kiss?” She looks me up and down and before she could deny me the blissful kiss I requested, $ c( ]# n& `  d

7 a+ c& o2 P" d- {5 o2 \5 P    I opened my fist so she could see the chocolate kisses I hid in the palm of my hand. She grabbed them, and smiled,
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0 z  }5 Y% W7 u6 F, g6 H    saying, “Now that’s the kind of kiss you can give me any time.” 7 M% C9 h2 d2 }/ X
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        After working out, and I was leaving with a buddy, I stopped at the desk again and made the same 5 _7 b# b7 i/ D3 |) X) Q
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    offer to the young lady: “May I give you a kiss?” Catching on, she quickly replied, “I’d love to; N7 R. `3 ?6 Z; G, ^0 j3 @8 @. N
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    have one” and the stunned look on my buddy’s face was a joy to behold. Then when I gave her a ; q' b+ Y- O" b! l: |$ b

4 j( N( G1 {# A3 M0 Q# m& M    chocolate kiss, he playfully punched my shoulder saying. “You really got me on that one.” ' P. Z, R9 y7 r

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June 24, 2009: Wednesday Nite
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0 }. O. P$ s) _' I     A few days ago I went to Home Depot. I spotted a good-looking middle-aged woman worker and said I wanted to buy a peep-hole to look at naked women taking showers. As she wagged her finger at me, I quickly told her, “NO, no. I want to
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7 F6 x( i: c. g0 m7 ]4 C: sinstall on in my front door so I could see who was on the other side. She took me to where they were, and we found one she didn't know about that focused an image on a screen about the size of a door knob. “That’s cool, I said, those other peep holes are so small they're hard to see through.” I then asked her to pose about 3 feet away so I could check the image, which she did. As I stared at it, she asked, "Is the image OK?"
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    “Not bad,” I said, but it would be a lot better if you took off your clothes.” She laughed good-naturedly, and shook her finger at me saying, “Shame on you, you dirty old man!” She got that right!
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$ {: _5 ^1 t# [) {7 T3 q, w6 k9 H     Right now I am shopping for a woman, hoping I can find a one who doesn’t care what the age of the cat is as long as it can
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6 g) i7 c4 l. M2 bstill catch mice.  + t+ m: u" f; n9 j0 J; {5 [
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We don’t stop playing $ G" E, u% ^4 a# Q( y, M# _

. d5 d. {3 e$ F! B7 m$ ~! z6 ybecause we grow old,
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# V+ I/ i/ N! H; E+ M2 uwe grow old
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# @0 L$ J5 X4 @/ j. Ubecause we stop playing.6 n3 S: l6 z8 U5 C- C% _; Y

, c5 S4 h$ F" s8 F% O/ k" K, wGeorge B. Shaw
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June 23, 2009: Tuesday Evening0 C! @& k2 I/ w% o6 x6 x
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    Played badly this a.m. at racquetball - so bad that two old farts, Ron and Shelly - beat the hell out of us - Jeff and me. Watch out Thursday guys, i plan on redeeming myself! And that's what's great about competition. You not only get your blood up, but if you screw up, you can't wait to get back on the court to do better, and you usually do because you become highly motivated. 9 c! n1 v6 E) y* w& p+ F! z7 H6 B
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I must confess, I'm a sore loser.
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. O* T0 T# ]! T8 ^/ C8 o1 r    This living alone still sucks. I'm always watching the damn clock. After my nap this afternoon, I went flat out on the couch trying to decide what to do till dinner time, two hours hence. I had no good reading material, and I save working on my computer till night-time to fill in those hours after I watch the evening news and drool a bit as Vanna struts across the stage lighting up letters. Since I hate inactivity, I decided to mow son Paul's lawn next door since I have the time and he doesn't. Smart move., x: t0 a# Y% p
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Activity is living; inactivity is death. Tight rope artist Willander said it this way: Being on the wire is living; everything else is waiting. Same with sports: being in the game is living; being on the bench is not. In a way, being out of the game. even of life, is like looking through a window watching people whooping it up at a party.. G1 y9 R" A9 ^5 Z7 }4 o
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    I've decided to sell a house I own across the street. I'm tired of being cash poor, and if it sells, I'll have about $100,000 to play around with. Why leave it to my heirs? They are all well-fixed, and I will put my money and my mind to work on trying to find that life-long compatible companion I've been looking for for the past two years. It's my final fling, and my last chance to join the party.

linxingxing

June 10, 2009: Fluzy Days/ m# W! i1 X+ t  ?  e% }( _
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    Went to my primary doctor, the cute Chinese lady named Christine Chiu, with my ongoing symptom of coughing up; a5 o/ `6 |6 c5 m) O
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phlegm. She prescribed Clariton and Sudafed. Tried them with no relief, and Sunday morning, it hit me hard. Not only
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coughed up wads of phlegm, but had a flu attack. Spent all morning in bed shivering with a/c off and blanket on.
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; i7 `$ _  _: I3 x. q: O5 e& bToughed the day out, deciding not to go to the E.R. till Monday hoping it would ease off. No such luck, so I drove the
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! A4 ?0 I: h, L* ?  Z# _30 miles to Florida Hospital in Ormond. No way would I go to Fish in NSB! where I firmly believe my wife died there ; A3 i8 [, r3 u* T! N+ a
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due to their negligence. In short it was negligent homicide. I went to Ormond because they sent a flyer saying there would/ o/ g+ {! w* S7 T3 x
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be no waiting in the waiting room - that you'd be given immediate attention.
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    When I walked in I could tell they didn't look at me as an emergency, and it was understandable. However, I was badly ! V7 g: s/ v' w, T/ O
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in need of help and where else would I go? Hell, I'd have to make an appointment to see Chiu, and Lord knows how long that would take. Anyhow, she was no help before and a second go-round would have probably have been no better.
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# d( s8 L( f' L3 E. ~! t& k    Anyhow, a nice your man, Dr. Gable attended to me, and after looking me over, asked, "Why do you consider this to be an emergency? And I explained my case for treatment adding, "My second wife tried to kill me by putting ant poison in my wine% N( @, H! r6 b2 @7 ~5 T

3 Q& |" N  V( V  Fand here is a list of all the doctors [about 20] I went to with the same symptoms I have now, and I've still need help." Since   f5 C1 D( _- Z5 A. T) O  ~5 }

. K9 T' n4 f) z/ Y; ^the symptoms are the same I thought you needed the background information." I mentioned the possibility of arsenic poisoning, but he ruled that out.  . W& S* J2 @/ N

0 _3 o1 f, @5 z; h    My oxygen level was low, so they attached my nose to the hose, they x-rayed my chest, and the bottom line is that his* e- F, q- O; C; q
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diagnosis is bronchitis. To treat it he gave me three prescriptions: A cough syrup called Hydromet; an anti-biotic call clarithromycin; and an inhaler called Albutavol sulfate. Now that's what I consider good doctoring!
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4 b. F0 m/ |. u3 z) w, K% ?    All day Monday, I was washed out and coughing up phlegm. By today Wednesday there is some improvement. I have 7 days to go. I feel much stronger and will test my body tomorrow on the court, hitting by myself to see how it goes. Man! when you're as sick as I was, I really felt my 88 years, and nothing else mattered except to try to get well!      
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9 B4 j* P. z' M# P    While sick, I thought to myself, "Why would you want to get involved with another woman?" When I am sick, like a cat, I want to be left alone except for medical care. Then too, I am beginning to see the advantages to being a bachelor. I can have a messy bedroom, a messy kitchen. eat when and what I want to, watch TV programs I enjoy, go to bed and get up when I please
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and walk around the house naked and cool. I'm not sure the compromises I would have to make are worth giving up my current 0 \) w3 {& }3 E3 G0 V

+ j" i% C  G& f& X. mindependence. At the moment, I don't need or want a "house guest." 3 [, Y: n, \) t2 o
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Stay tuned...    4 U$ H: |) E9 E+ f2 y
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I don't have any original thoughts to render tonite, so I shall give you a bit more of my new book, To My Creator: Thanks for the Ride:9 Y- s$ J2 E, |2 ^! ~& g
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Who hath put wisdom( N& `1 J3 {/ ^+ p7 C9 @2 q% ?! x; ^7 ]

( J$ l3 s8 h+ q/ D0 t                                                                                  in the inward parts?
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8 W5 }9 `( Y0 T0 n! ^: s% Q( z   The building blocks of all organisms, both plant and animal, are called cells. In high school I studied two kinds of individual, self-contained, living cells called amoebas and paramecia.
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& i9 F' ]& ?* a5 B) _* F- o9 S. _% Z& k  [0 [+ u8 Q9 Q
                          
" _* h6 p3 ?. c                                  An Amoeba                                                        A Paramecium
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    They are microscopic living “factories” that carry on the same basic functions, such as “eating,” “breathing”, reproducing and giving off waste products as we do. They are also basically similar to the cells contained in our bodies and the bodies of all other animals. An example of an animal cell:
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8 r4 v- T. L  c0 b' r                                                                        
% b& o9 J2 L7 [1 `     Our bodies are made up of a variety of cells that make up different body parts. There are bone cells, skin cells, brain cells, heart cells, muscle cells, kidney cells, and so on. All of our cells contain genes, which determine our physical characteristics. Embedded in our genes are the plans for producing thousands of body parts, synchronizing their growth, and producing such things as eyes, ears, noses and mouths, and the skulls that enclose brains made up of billions of nerve cells called neurons. Our brains are primarily what makes us different from other mammals, because that’s where our unique consciousness appears to reside as well as minds that can think, remember and control just about everything we say and do. - W3 x% d4 e7 `1 ?

3 r' j1 K  V, [1 n! @# C; ^1 z' u8 J    Human brains are primarily what make us different from other mammals. We alone in the animal kingdom are capable of creating symphonies, building rockets that can go to the moon and return to earth safely, and use computers and mathematics to achieve such a goal.
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     Our gene-created brains are also where our unique consciousness appears to reside, along with our minds that can think, remember, and control just about everything we say and do. Super Smart genes!
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They engineer and create the brains encased in our protective skulls, our arms and legs with the appropriate bones, muscles, ligaments and tendons to enable them to perform the many functions they were designed for, fingers with their fingernails, toes with their toe nails, “automatic” eyes that rival the most sophisticated cameras, ears, noses, teeth to chew and prepare food for digestion, complicated reproductive, digestive, circulatory, excretory, respiratory, and nervous systems, each with their many parts, tongues and voice boxes that enable us to speak and sing, and on and on. What a remarkable achievement for the genes in cells that are all derived from a single fertilized egg about the size of the dot at the end of this sentence.2 A" B$ f+ B6 i0 v6 v1 t1 m
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                                             The Greatest of All Miracles
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0 `3 U# m0 s+ p5 d. R- R" r+ r' P                                                        In The Beginning & y5 `6 J& M  r: J! `) u: t
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                                                              From This2 i" t) P! q3 O" Y9 u% o6 ^
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2 Y! Q+ ?, E8 N% Y/ o: t6 F5 S! F' O' [
                                                                  
7 o4 x4 |0 _! a- A8 f/ K0 F- y                                                    A Fertilized Human Egg
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0 L9 d( l  [* d' {! p" a                                                         Greatly Enlarged. V/ }. X9 s5 l$ i% R4 T) L! E7 @  |6 Y: j
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                                               Actual Approximate Size [ . ]
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( f$ l2 p" C9 B% S* L                                                              
; ~! i0 p7 z5 v  c' ^, _                                                              Stem Cells* t/ R/ g8 y" I" }$ p' [- s

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1 Q$ u) M- F' P% E6 j- v  ^9 S
                                                         
7 V9 A8 J9 O; S; s+ m0 j- S0 i! `                                                        Human Embryo
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2 v: _7 ^- K6 v                                                    9 z3 R" _# d4 N7 B; E8 x
                                                           A Fetus
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% d6 S/ \1 Z1 J) N0 D  @                                                      + W2 m% f# R/ l3 _9 N* }
                                         And finally, after only 270 days
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  `3 h7 S" L3 n2 c* ~( J  f                                                  the Blessed Event" o# D6 S$ ~& k' d( ^

4 W8 ]  M8 F' @: O- G    These images represent the incredible transformations that were generated by miniscule! l. k  e1 W( Y8 \
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embryonic stem cells after babies wind up becoming adults:
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% ?+ ~+ {6 k5 B! u
      
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% G/ Z! p' f, Y& H+ t5 s3 o6 ~Skeletal              Musclular                               Nervous                       Circulatory  o- t! A, E7 B, ?
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System                System                                 System                           System
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" C9 h0 ]. n% Q9 C! E% \       Respiratory                     Digestive          Excretory                 Reproductive Systems              ( {8 e# m4 U: Z8 M/ |
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         System                            System            System: G' I- v9 M$ Y/ ]9 l3 J
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     The awesomeness of these miraculous transformations boggles my mind and keeps me aware of how fortunate I am to be alive and be aware of the incredible gift of intelligence given to me by my Creator.
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June 1, 2009: Lady-friend, lady-friend, wherefore art thou?* ^0 q6 p8 H0 H: z/ f

% _+ U( [  U$ S- |# u     Talked to her by phone for about an hour last night. She laughed at some of my wisecracks, which is a positive since most of them have sexual overtones. I tried to coax her into visiting me at my home, if and after, we have lunch tomorrow, promising her I wouldn't hit on her, but no dice. She's heading for Minneapolis next Saturday for a week and said she needed the time to get ready. Of course, I've only spoken to her eyeball-to-eyeball once the the Meet & Greet luncheon, so I hardly know her. Since she has made on flirty overtures to me, I presume she's not a predator, like the fat she-dog I married. [See May 28th below]\
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3 x3 U( `2 @* Q) d     Well, I'm to call her tomorrow around 11 a. m. to see if she's available for lunch, and I hope she is and that I can show her: i. C0 W8 q  |$ C. _  v$ o

6 q* _( M# N: w3 S4 f, ~0 Y7 Baround Club Boom before we dine. While on the phone, I asked her if she was interested in continuing dating, and she was non-committal. I told her the only reason I wanted to know was to decide if I should continue tom-cating. I told her what I told Ron Johnson and Dawn as we were leaving Club Boom that I didn't think it was wise for me to put all of my sperm in one basket, quickly telling her that was a euphemism not a fact. Of course, it wouldn't take a basket to hold all of my sperm; a thimble
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" d6 v$ l* D/ a# |+ q( C# lwould even be a bit much!
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    Back to working on my book: To My Creator: Thanks for the Ride" I2 F  r& w  d/ V2 M+ D5 h# \7 p
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May 29, 2009: Potential Lady-Friend Day - 9:50 p.m.: @( n+ \) R1 }- Y% z9 s# x
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    Went to a Meet & Greet social lunch event for singles today, and met a nice lady who was a teacher at Tomoka Elementary school when I was a supervisor of math & science. I have a 10 o'clock phone date with her in a few minutes to see if we can get together for a real date. Excuse me, I'll be right back....) u; M/ I6 m/ ]4 R7 K% u7 [
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    We both talked and watched the magic/Cavalier games while we did. A good sign. We have that common interest. She had a bad break when we parted after lunch. At another parking lot, a truck backed into her car, even after she blew her horn as a warning, and wrecked the hood of her car, causing about $1500 damage. So, she'll be busy taking care of the hassle involved, but we may be able to get together at Club Boom Tuesday around 11 a.m. or 12, depending on how soon she can get her car damage evaluated at Toyota. If she can come by, I'll show her around the club, and take her to lunch at Penara's. ) M  K5 G. ^5 w- G1 L3 ~
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    I constantly write thoughts down on pieces of paper available in nearly every room. Thoughts are very elusive. They don't hang around long, so I capture them as they occur. Here's one:
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- V; E, v" Q* {+ @! @2 |           I am beginning to like my bachelorhood, especially not having to be accountable to ANYONE for ANYTHING, like putting stuff away, eating exactly what I want to eat, watching whatever I want on TV, having what woman would consider to be a messy bedroom or kitchen, doing the yard when I please, etc., etc., etc. During the few times my German lady-friend visited, she began to take over. I never use the dishwasher, which she knew, and she just went ahead and started using it. She faulted my1 K3 p" y" f: h4 j" |

- [: o6 i$ n+ Y+ p* pnot dusting and vacuuming indirectly by pointing out the dust, and she brought me food, like large German sausages to eat, which I fed to the dogs next door cause, like I told her before, I NEVER eat sausages, nor hamburgers, nor hot dogs, nor bacon!   # B& K7 i# L2 ?% q

6 B  b* u/ e+ \! h    A guy in the locker room complained about his wife who fussed about something or other, and I said, "Don't you know, Tom, that women own the homes men live in and that we are just guests?" "How true", he said, and shook his head in dejection.
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    After watching Andre Rieu's performance in Vienna, where he played the violin companied by a host of other musicians and& c" m9 S+ G+ C: o6 n

# Q4 P+ q$ q8 qsingers and dancers, all of whom were radiating happiness in beautiful technicolor in Vienna, I lamented to myself, "Why can't the whole world experience such joy?" I am grateful that I am able to, but it is somewhat diminished when I think of the strife in Afghanistan, Iraq and Jerusalem, and in our own country where unemployment and homelessness increases significantly every day.# a' ^, \# }, y& P0 T- z% }
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I thank God for my blessings, right here and now!

linxingxing

June 10, 2009: Fluzy Days
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    Went to my primary doctor, the cute Chinese lady named Christine Chiu, with my ongoing symptom of coughing up  l. y" [9 ]0 v7 G) y
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phlegm. She prescribed Clariton and Sudafed. Tried them with no relief, and Sunday morning, it hit me hard. Not only4 y( ~0 ~1 Z) t/ V( |
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coughed up wads of phlegm, but had a flu attack. Spent all morning in bed shivering with a/c off and blanket on.
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Toughed the day out, deciding not to go to the E.R. till Monday hoping it would ease off. No such luck, so I drove the ( F* q; u  x( n2 q0 j: g3 [# T
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30 miles to Florida Hospital in Ormond. No way would I go to Fish in NSB! where I firmly believe my wife died there - X% `7 L0 v9 b

, o. l* g  T. r4 ~- q" U  Fdue to their negligence. In short it was negligent homicide. I went to Ormond because they sent a flyer saying there would$ f1 n, Q$ {" _. b
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be no waiting in the waiting room - that you'd be given immediate attention.
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5 W/ i+ K7 ]& @+ \- E+ X    When I walked in I could tell they didn't look at me as an emergency, and it was understandable. However, I was badly
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# m- X7 i9 v' a7 n; T$ win need of help and where else would I go? Hell, I'd have to make an appointment to see Chiu, and Lord knows how long that would take. Anyhow, she was no help before and a second go-round would have probably have been no better." h4 Z4 D% X' _4 O; A& ?
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    Anyhow, a nice your man, Dr. Gable attended to me, and after looking me over, asked, "Why do you consider this to be an emergency? And I explained my case for treatment adding, "My second wife tried to kill me by putting ant poison in my wine
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: m  z; \$ }: m: w8 u4 p% y' o* d$ Nand here is a list of all the doctors [about 20] I went to with the same symptoms I have now, and I've still need help." Since / ]9 c9 Q. K1 Z* n1 X( b9 i
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the symptoms are the same I thought you needed the background information." I mentioned the possibility of arsenic poisoning, but he ruled that out.  
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    My oxygen level was low, so they attached my nose to the hose, they x-rayed my chest, and the bottom line is that his
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diagnosis is bronchitis. To treat it he gave me three prescriptions: A cough syrup called Hydromet; an anti-biotic call clarithromycin; and an inhaler called Albutavol sulfate. Now that's what I consider good doctoring!
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4 h% X8 u: m3 o$ p6 H$ |4 ^    All day Monday, I was washed out and coughing up phlegm. By today Wednesday there is some improvement. I have 7 days to go. I feel much stronger and will test my body tomorrow on the court, hitting by myself to see how it goes. Man! when you're as sick as I was, I really felt my 88 years, and nothing else mattered except to try to get well!      
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    While sick, I thought to myself, "Why would you want to get involved with another woman?" When I am sick, like a cat, I want to be left alone except for medical care. Then too, I am beginning to see the advantages to being a bachelor. I can have a messy bedroom, a messy kitchen. eat when and what I want to, watch TV programs I enjoy, go to bed and get up when I please4 p  }0 }  M1 @& ^. ]7 z/ `
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and walk around the house naked and cool. I'm not sure the compromises I would have to make are worth giving up my current
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' }/ X+ n& D. f* `; F5 |independence. At the moment, I don't need or want a "house guest."
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2 `, {1 P9 ]) c9 {Stay tuned...   
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! ~$ J- t3 }& O+ L/ o. ` I don't have any original thoughts to render tonite, so I shall give you a bit more of my new book, To My Creator: Thanks for the Ride:6 ^6 p. E5 e0 s, @- b

; f# O' X* a" tWho hath put wisdom! z1 W  z; U1 P' X
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                                                                                  in the inward parts?. V4 l  M( ]/ C, b. A
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. n4 ^4 x8 C: a: H  W$ d   The building blocks of all organisms, both plant and animal, are called cells. In high school I studied two kinds of individual, self-contained, living cells called amoebas and paramecia. ) [- T. V* K' R9 H; U% t
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; a+ S/ X; e+ c, f9 {                          
8 H+ L8 k0 ?; A# s. I% o4 g  O                                  An Amoeba                                                        A Paramecium' q# \3 y% W2 w- g" m  a5 D

# h8 E: _" O# _0 p& {; w: O 4 v: w# o/ X! Z8 P: N- i
  {, l" b. U* A5 I9 B5 Y, Y
    They are microscopic living “factories” that carry on the same basic functions, such as “eating,” “breathing”, reproducing and giving off waste products as we do. They are also basically similar to the cells contained in our bodies and the bodies of all other animals. An example of an animal cell:
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; }7 d4 r4 Y; a9 H* I8 t. u     Our bodies are made up of a variety of cells that make up different body parts. There are bone cells, skin cells, brain cells, heart cells, muscle cells, kidney cells, and so on. All of our cells contain genes, which determine our physical characteristics. Embedded in our genes are the plans for producing thousands of body parts, synchronizing their growth, and producing such things as eyes, ears, noses and mouths, and the skulls that enclose brains made up of billions of nerve cells called neurons. Our brains are primarily what makes us different from other mammals, because that’s where our unique consciousness appears to reside as well as minds that can think, remember and control just about everything we say and do. 0 O. s, ^& Y* F( a6 a1 X

, @7 k* c* W8 m0 f# g    Human brains are primarily what make us different from other mammals. We alone in the animal kingdom are capable of creating symphonies, building rockets that can go to the moon and return to earth safely, and use computers and mathematics to achieve such a goal. % }& l) l# x( m7 L

( ?; m. {0 M, P  Y- K     Our gene-created brains are also where our unique consciousness appears to reside, along with our minds that can think, remember, and control just about everything we say and do. Super Smart genes!& p% S5 y" ~3 O) d. ^

' X9 v, L: p3 {! [9 k7 VThey engineer and create the brains encased in our protective skulls, our arms and legs with the appropriate bones, muscles, ligaments and tendons to enable them to perform the many functions they were designed for, fingers with their fingernails, toes with their toe nails, “automatic” eyes that rival the most sophisticated cameras, ears, noses, teeth to chew and prepare food for digestion, complicated reproductive, digestive, circulatory, excretory, respiratory, and nervous systems, each with their many parts, tongues and voice boxes that enable us to speak and sing, and on and on. What a remarkable achievement for the genes in cells that are all derived from a single fertilized egg about the size of the dot at the end of this sentence.
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                                             The Greatest of All Miracles
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3 q! P, m3 ~- a( D) a" ~3 g6 x, A" `                                                        In The Beginning
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                                                              From This
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                                                                   8 Y- B. l- F) [* q  d3 x. D
                                                    A Fertilized Human Egg
6 D. S% V) }  P: z
! m' M4 c( ~- t7 q" t5 a" I                                                         Greatly Enlarged
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                                               Actual Approximate Size [ . ]
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& E1 I" }/ D$ s6 u                                                              $ p. @* t7 Q. x* ?* O, o  M5 V; V$ Y
                                                              Stem Cells
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                                                        Human Embryo, Y4 y8 k9 I- g: W+ U) F

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- E7 d2 H* p8 I8 o
9 J3 R' G9 o4 u' u+ t- s# ^                                                   
3 ~  u4 m3 u- i; J2 m* ]" c                                                           A Fetus
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6 Q( _& K- s3 Z3 w  P2 L: }                                         And finally, after only 270 days3 A9 S% ~3 ^0 h8 C6 A  Q- {* @* X
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                                                  the Blessed Event
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    These images represent the incredible transformations that were generated by miniscule& A  ~0 l* c0 i. d* |4 }5 o
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embryonic stem cells after babies wind up becoming adults:2 ~* U. ~2 m% Q0 E# ]+ d

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Skeletal              Musclular                               Nervous                       Circulatory
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System                System                                 System                           System
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( @: ^" y3 u% l* b1 d' [. O
              
, ]% }3 N4 u* L7 n       Respiratory                     Digestive          Excretory                 Reproductive Systems              ' Q( j" }+ d. P7 m
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         System                            System            System. e2 X9 W% {; L9 ~" r" ?9 B6 k

3 Z% O9 L4 p* b: P) r     The awesomeness of these miraculous transformations boggles my mind and keeps me aware of how fortunate I am to be alive and be aware of the incredible gift of intelligence given to me by my Creator. 0 d; B2 n5 Z' A, b4 d

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/ S( u# A0 K1 I1 a/ }, BJune 1, 2009: Lady-friend, lady-friend, wherefore art thou?
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- V0 q  a1 B6 X     Talked to her by phone for about an hour last night. She laughed at some of my wisecracks, which is a positive since most of them have sexual overtones. I tried to coax her into visiting me at my home, if and after, we have lunch tomorrow, promising her I wouldn't hit on her, but no dice. She's heading for Minneapolis next Saturday for a week and said she needed the time to get ready. Of course, I've only spoken to her eyeball-to-eyeball once the the Meet & Greet luncheon, so I hardly know her. Since she has made on flirty overtures to me, I presume she's not a predator, like the fat she-dog I married. [See May 28th below]\
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5 ~* B) ?$ Q/ l9 R     Well, I'm to call her tomorrow around 11 a. m. to see if she's available for lunch, and I hope she is and that I can show her
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' {6 C; q8 n2 A# L* Faround Club Boom before we dine. While on the phone, I asked her if she was interested in continuing dating, and she was non-committal. I told her the only reason I wanted to know was to decide if I should continue tom-cating. I told her what I told Ron Johnson and Dawn as we were leaving Club Boom that I didn't think it was wise for me to put all of my sperm in one basket, quickly telling her that was a euphemism not a fact. Of course, it wouldn't take a basket to hold all of my sperm; a thimble
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6 X" u! F+ n( lwould even be a bit much!
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    Back to working on my book: To My Creator: Thanks for the Ride
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    0 ~1 q" p( u- s' R: X7 o) |

8 h+ n) F! @3 ?1 z& z* o! UMay 29, 2009: Potential Lady-Friend Day - 9:50 p.m.# \1 H) P& U' t9 ?$ r
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    Went to a Meet & Greet social lunch event for singles today, and met a nice lady who was a teacher at Tomoka Elementary school when I was a supervisor of math & science. I have a 10 o'clock phone date with her in a few minutes to see if we can get together for a real date. Excuse me, I'll be right back....
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    We both talked and watched the magic/Cavalier games while we did. A good sign. We have that common interest. She had a bad break when we parted after lunch. At another parking lot, a truck backed into her car, even after she blew her horn as a warning, and wrecked the hood of her car, causing about $1500 damage. So, she'll be busy taking care of the hassle involved, but we may be able to get together at Club Boom Tuesday around 11 a.m. or 12, depending on how soon she can get her car damage evaluated at Toyota. If she can come by, I'll show her around the club, and take her to lunch at Penara's.
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    I constantly write thoughts down on pieces of paper available in nearly every room. Thoughts are very elusive. They don't hang around long, so I capture them as they occur. Here's one: ' Z4 {7 W" k7 ~- P& D
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           I am beginning to like my bachelorhood, especially not having to be accountable to ANYONE for ANYTHING, like putting stuff away, eating exactly what I want to eat, watching whatever I want on TV, having what woman would consider to be a messy bedroom or kitchen, doing the yard when I please, etc., etc., etc. During the few times my German lady-friend visited, she began to take over. I never use the dishwasher, which she knew, and she just went ahead and started using it. She faulted my
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7 O9 U! W: u* j8 |* O& V  xnot dusting and vacuuming indirectly by pointing out the dust, and she brought me food, like large German sausages to eat, which I fed to the dogs next door cause, like I told her before, I NEVER eat sausages, nor hamburgers, nor hot dogs, nor bacon!   
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    A guy in the locker room complained about his wife who fussed about something or other, and I said, "Don't you know, Tom, that women own the homes men live in and that we are just guests?" "How true", he said, and shook his head in dejection.0 O4 L4 G" B6 I/ x% L
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    After watching Andre Rieu's performance in Vienna, where he played the violin companied by a host of other musicians and
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6 T+ J- a& W! E6 w) e) Osingers and dancers, all of whom were radiating happiness in beautiful technicolor in Vienna, I lamented to myself, "Why can't the whole world experience such joy?" I am grateful that I am able to, but it is somewhat diminished when I think of the strife in Afghanistan, Iraq and Jerusalem, and in our own country where unemployment and homelessness increases significantly every day.
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! h7 @) }+ O6 ]I thank God for my blessings, right here and now!

linxingxing

May 25, 2009: Monday 10 p.m.
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& M3 I5 D) }) o5 d5 d/ g( N; y( ^     I'm reading a couple of interesting books. One, Adam's Tongue about the origin of language is something I never thought about and now that I am thinking about it, I haven't a clue as to how language began. Like, from the time our stone-age brethren grabbed a wench by her pony tail and dragged her into into his cave to frolic, to the current barroom come on, "Hey, Foxy Mamma, wanna jam?" words were invented to communicate all sorts of ideas and suggestions to one another. I wonder what the first word was?
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    The other book, titled The Solitary Vice [A Victorian euphemism for jacking off]  by a weirdo author, says reading and masturbating have a lot in common. Both are done alone, often in bed at night, both are best enjoyed at leisure, both absorb your entire attention, neither can be rushed, both involve acts of fantasy and imagination, and both can be addictive and continue on into old age.
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4 L$ A7 l4 _5 K, S# E# |    There's an old single geezer at racquetball who says he does it regularly as he watches porn for motivation. When I asked him "why,' he said he's from the old school who believes if you don't use it you lose it, and the fact that he can still do it at 88, backs up what he says. He said he couldn't figure out why talking about it is taboo. He said we talk about exercising our bodies and our minds to keep them tuned up, so what not exercise our ding-a-lings? And, he added, why not do it if it feels good? What's the harm?
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     He made two other points: Research shows engaging in sex during your later years is life-extending. "Well, if like me, you don't have a partner, what's the next best thing?" he asks. The answer is obvious. The other point is that being able to still do it, even without Viagra, enhances his self esteem, and at 88 you need all the enhancement you can get!2 o/ J; ^9 j2 N! }% E
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    That's one smart old goat!
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. Y: j* L  b4 c+ P6 xMay 24, 2009: Sunday 9 p.m.
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    To help keep my mind from regurgitating negative thoughts, I began writing another book a month ago, and when negative thinking starts, I say to myself, "Don't go there. Think about your book", and it works. I immediately become engrossed in writing it to the exclusion of all other thoughts, which invariably, like my experience with the German lady-friend, are verboten. One of my decisions re the book, is to take my time, lots of it, which is in violation of my temperament. So, I mull over every idea, word and sentence till I get it just the way I want it. This is how it begins:( u# {5 P4 y+ g$ @9 j) T

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, n5 Q2 e# `! d/ b3 ZTo My Creator: Thanks for the Ride! . p/ c3 ~" z; ~+ B" k) T

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$ K6 |3 M/ l5 A* _# M6 q& WAs a deer longs for flowing streams,
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! N8 w* t6 D, w" w# g% fso longs my soul for thee, O God.
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  n: R3 Y$ h, B2 q) nMy soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
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+ m8 J; h% o+ SWhen shall I come and behold
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1 p( O  Z  y7 e7 L- K, Athe face of God?! z  b2 W) W/ U# t% e* R, }

7 F. n8 k4 b  B2 YPsalms 42:1-2
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INTRODUCTION
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    One of the impediments to my understanding “God” was the traditional use of the word that included others like:
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! I" f. ?$ [9 p$ ]2 _% S1 h; XSupreme Being, Allah, Yahweh, Jehovah and Lord, as well as the biblical reference in the above quotation to the
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“face of God. God is my Co-pilot and preachers’ advice to leave things to The Man Upstairs, added to my confusion. Depictions, such as this one, of God Creating Adam by Michelangelo, tended to lead me astray even more:/ S" u' U/ w" H7 t3 j

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' t% L9 ?7 `  u" h7 W/ D    These names and references, plus the occasional use of the words Him or Her, misled me as I struggled  not only to understand God, but also to understand how and why I became me, Francis Thomas Sganga with a unique mind, a 3 l% y, Y1 H: o- G5 m2 p6 `" T
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unique consciousness and a unique physical appearance, who is just one of the 3.5 billion people inhabiting our beautiful $ R$ M' _+ ^# [* n' C

5 }& ]+ }. K2 w% g; g3 x  C8 g3 LBlue Planet, each one having a unique mind, conscience and physical appearance.
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My quest to understand “God” has been relentless, and continues to this day, as I approach my ninth decade of existence.
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I have read countless books, talked to numerous people, and spent endless hours trying to quench my thirst, which I know / [8 w1 e4 M! J* J5 V, G! H; @- n

+ m$ m& e( i) S3 J) gfull well will never be fully satisfied. But my soul is at peace with the conclusions that I have reached so far, and that is what
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this book is all about.     ) W/ n/ l/ C& b( S/ e$ |

9 X/ B: i2 M; }& w& L7 ?***********************************************************************************************
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* ^9 s# U, x  A7 A    I am surprised that none of my racquetball buddies, as far as I know, are not interested in this topic, and there is a good chance the book will never be published, but that is secondary to the personal satisfaction I get from working on it. I won't self-publish this one. I'll probably submit it to publishers of religious books, except the ignorant evangelicals who don't believe in evolution.
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; H! }/ s, U+ V2 w' X: p    I had a blind date Friday night with my renter's grandmother, but she didn't arouse my erotic genes, so my quest continues. It's a bit like getting published by a national publisher. The odds ain't too good, but what the hell do I have to lose? Stay tuned.....
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Arrivederci!3 o0 n' N  T. }3 y) E
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May 21, 2009: Thursday 9 p.m.
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# U: S( L: G( Q; q7 O    I have to keep reminding myself of this:; [) Q6 L3 S6 w: d- m) j
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Discouraged? Feeling Blue? Think!
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! g7 A  u7 ]" \( V& m' ?$ w9 g   When upon life's billows, your are tempest tossed," {. ^. v1 s% c

! }' h; o- @6 X  when you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
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   count your many blessings,* ^3 W" B: Z, p

! K6 @  Z6 O& f0 S- x1 E0 L3 J9 w  name them one by one,
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and it will surprise you
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what the Lord hath done- s* }* d$ r9 B, s$ V( ^, ~( j

* o' u1 H& K( T/ e; Q! SOld Hymn
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That which is beautiful2 ?! O/ J# N8 V9 ?5 l
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is not always good;
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but that which is good,
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9 U& P* r6 Y: D1 p4 q5 w( u$ E# a! t+ |& eis always beautiful.# h6 K9 O$ I1 B, _9 k' Y

( X% H4 _$ J# }; U6 Y' J1 Z7 ]                                                                                       Frank Quixote! o+ U: R0 T- h$ \
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( }1 O  B3 m  J3 ~May 19, 2009: Tuesday 9 p.m.. D3 t* O+ h9 C5 R% `) ]& R
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     I have been "dating" a German "lady" for about 2 months who has lived in the U.S. for 10 years. We met at a Senior Singles Dance, and when I saw her at a table next to ours I gathered up enough nerve to ask her to dance. She was quite attractive and obviously much younger than I, but I proceeded on the premise that I had nothing to lose in giving it a shot. She had an obvious accent and when she pronounced our "w" as a "v", I knew right off she was German. Since I had 3 years of German in college, I used a few phrases I knew to generate a bond between us. ) ^  C  c8 ^7 n1 g( T

$ }1 J2 C9 Z1 z9 I    A few weeks later I met her at a dance again and I told her she was too young for me but I was enjoying her company on the dance floor. As she was leaving one night, I glanced toward the exit and noticed she was looking my way in a beckoning way.
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I approached her, and after talking a bit, she said she would be agreeable to visit me at my home. Wow, I thought, that was unusual, and of course, I agreed, and it happened. For some six weeks after that she visited me weekly, and there was zero hanky-panky. During those six weeks, I spent about $500 in her behalf, $345 of which was to replace a radiator in her car. - ?8 y7 W) ~  Q& `# t" }

$ J9 B7 A3 x/ ]+ AShe had no money due to working at an assisted-care facility at minimum wage. Each time we chatted on the phone during the : k/ S8 z" P9 v0 K6 E$ k

# j4 [' s8 c+ W, @+ S8 Msix weeks she would complain about how exhausted she was, and had to go to bed about 8 o'clock every night. And, her " a8 L! @- |. F

1 R! ]6 _8 u$ S7 v" xlooked as exhausted as she said she was.
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8 z7 m' O7 w& ?    She was only 50, had a serious anemia problem as well as a heart problem where it would occasionally beat as fast as 250 times a minute. She was also still having "periods" where she attributed her anemia partly to her heavy discharge of blood. Early
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in our relationship, she asked me how I felt about pets, and I told her pointedly I did like like having animals in my home. Cat dander and dog hairs and fleas and veterinarian visits, buying pet food, etc. were anathema to me. Well, after a few more "dates". H+ \; w' v9 R: ?; L  h
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she confided to me that she had a Bullmastiff. I didn't know what they were, but it turned out they are huge.
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9 K* j- S" L- v& Z$ @7 F    Oh well, I guess if she becomes a life-long companion who enjoys intimacy, I would compromise my feelings about pets
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and make the necessary adjustments. The bottom line was: I was lonesome for a bed partner and she passed my sight test very well, even to the extent, happily, of having an ample set of boobs.0 w( V$ R7 {# p! c
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    After a call from her yesterday morning, I began to intuit that she was using me for her own selfish ends. A few weeks ago, after she quit her job, and she said she would like to get into the business of cleaning homes and condos, and I just happened to have a renter who's already in the business, I told my renter she could take $100 off her next payment if she could find my lady-friend a job. Yesterday morning she asked me if I knew where she could sell some of her jewelry and get a decent price, and I did. Then she wanted me to get my computer buddy Larry to help her put some of her stuff on e-bay for sale, which is no easy task. Well, much as I don't like to, I intuitively lied saying he went to Canada to his mother's funeral. Anyhow, she said she would come today, my racquetball day, for me to take her to the jeweler and as I reflected on our relationship, I decided to scotch tape this letter on my front door, figuring she would get to my house before I got home, and knowing I had given her the means to enter my house if she got there and I was not at home:$ h$ P+ w4 W8 ~2 e5 S$ j& h
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May 18,20091 L" `& s, O- v% U
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Dear ******* :
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1 v; k4 ^7 \1 J$ ]I am writing this because I can express my thoughts and feelings more logically this way. You know I am an "up front" man, that I play no games with anyone's emotions, I do not engage in pretence, and that I am truthful, loyal and generous to those 1 care for.
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) O* N. j  P% i' cYou also know I am looking for a life-long companion who is affectionate and enjoys being intimate.
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A few weeks ago I told you I was committed to:
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0 ]$ F2 b  }( U$ Y$ w( l4 z1.        Helping you as much as I can to be healthy.
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2.   Making you happy.- \& p) W- G$ x* K4 }) m
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3.   Providing you with a secure future.1 g- g: {% S3 D" `0 ~: c4 J
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So, far, you have made no similar commitments to me, nor have you been in any way, affectionate. I am the one who initiates hugs, and proffers brother/sister kisses on your cheek. So far it's been mostly all give from me and all take from you.
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I have demonstrated my complete trust in you by allowing you free access to my home; you don't trust me enough to even tell me your address.
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0 `& G9 Z8 S9 K6 ~Lest we waste any more of our precious time and money, / want you to tell me your plans regarding our relationship. Specifically, I want to know when we can hug and kiss with deep feelings like people who are very fond of each other, and eventually to be intimate. To be frank, / am beginning to feel like I am just being used to help you achieve your personal goals that don't include me as a future lover, but rather as someone who is just a generous benefactor. Am I wrong? OK, convince me that I am, not by words, but by actions.$ p5 W1 o0 }  j- Q4 h8 T1 ]) U

$ F& n  d1 |* S+ k7 Z8 YIf I am right, and I hope I'm not, then there's no point in our carrying on a charade an longer. I despise hypocrisy.! q* \  e: r6 q8 \' U# d3 B

& P% T( |) P: vI am grateful that I currently have no physical, mental or financial problems. The only thing missing is someone to take care of and share my life with in every way possible. I was hoping that person would be you. If you don't feel the same way. please be up front with me, shake my hand and bid me auf Wiedersehen.
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With affection and wishing you the best life has to offer,4 O7 k( S* }& ^) p% i/ o7 ^& V7 V
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    Frank. f( p1 S" n# C6 C, K8 S
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     Well, as I drove the 30 miles home from racquetball, I ran several scenarios through my mind as to what she would say or do when we met. One was we would talk. Another was that she would just go back home. So, when I got to my house, there was her car parked in front of one of the three garage doors. Great, I thought. We'll talk. I opened the 3rd garage door with my remote control, entered the house, and after calling out her name with no response, I went to the front door to see if she was in her car, and she was gone! I found this note in the porch:; f$ n0 r+ d$ T, [# c- t

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7 K# w9 [" E- H: `; d+ J- L9 M1 f    Apparently, the woman is not too bright. I told her on several occasions sex was over-rated and that it was not my prime objective in our relationship. There were so many other ways to enjoy each other's companionship, that jamming it was not my highest priority. Then, since when is this only a man's goal? Women get horny like men and crave affection just as much. So,
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- F( z, G, L; s- z5 ywhat's the big deal about enjoying each other sexually. I told her some of my fondest memories about Babs were the times we showered together, gave each other rub downs with skin lotion and had sex spontaneously in lots of unique places. What the hell was she saving her herself for? Like money, you can't take it with you. I don't like to conjecture, but I always do. Maybe she didn't want to be made love to by an old man. But why wait 8 weeks to come to that conclusion? Maybe she's a lesbian, or
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: x( L2 l/ ]0 C( n, mis sexophobic, hating sex. Whatever reason she had for keeping her long lost chastity, it was clear to me that having access to her two boobs and her Royal Receptacle was not worth the price she was exacting from me.  " h' [# K) c. l, @, s5 R! `0 V# r
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     The bottom line: It's all over - with her. She has too much baggage, and had we bedded down together, I would have felt obligated  to pay a host of her medical bills, and unfortunately, I've been there before with the fat she-dog, big time!
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) P+ f0 d4 A6 m8 N     My young lady tenant has a grandmother in her early 70's. She gave me her phone number, I called her, and we have a blind date tomorrow night. Wish me luck.

linxingxing

May 15, 2009: Friday Nite
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% R! g/ B4 o7 o+ g    I'm into seeds. I gathered hundreds of sunflower seeds from a blossom I allowed to dry for a few weeks, and planted dozens of them a few weeks ago. They are "monster" seeds, and some of the plants are as tall as I am, and blossoms have popped out.3 M9 B: N$ q9 Y- }& J+ Z
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The flowers are about the size of a dinner plate, and I think they are beautiful and happy-looking. I even surrounded my bird bath with them, which provides a bit of shade and keeps their water from getting too warm. One of the things that surprised me is how dirty the birds get. After they bathe in my bird bath the bottom is coated with dirt. So, as a consequence, I brush out the dirty water and fill their bath tub it with fresh, clean water every night for them.  
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: r" E: F4 ~9 E    My other fun thing is to pick tomatoes off the vines, which I am now doing. The crop is great this year; there are a lot more on the vines than I will be able to eat, so I'll share them with son Paul who lives next door and my friends. I've been having an ear of corn and a banana for lunch every day. Now a tomato and onions coated with olive oil will be added to my menu.
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What Do You Think?
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If Jesus Christ
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had been rich,( _! U# _8 W8 ~, L0 M+ I1 h! V

1 r. X- z6 l' Awould he have been executed?
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9 C; L& J& }' ^0 _8 c9 l* H2 jGeorge Buschkin8 t$ }8 k$ R# a, P0 E& x7 a6 r5 U! F
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Facing Adversity. f  s# c+ q1 s4 q% I' w; \7 c
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If I were asked to give
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; ^5 ~4 V  X" J2 y7 m, a' gthe single most useful
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. {3 i7 c  A6 p% k bit of advice& o% y7 n2 k1 u2 n3 c4 K
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for all humanity it would be this:
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Expect trouble. S' ]: u5 L3 ^' b
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as an inevitable part of life. p' k0 U% F( z. \; U" k
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and when it comes,
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hold your head high,# q' t, w- _) c4 i! U

6 j1 F9 J. W2 Zlook it squarely in the eye, ' t- E3 I7 A, n
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and say,
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“I will be bigger than you.# T2 ~( F5 Q% X% D/ Y  b

3 C. ]2 ~: F' {8 pYou cannot defeat me.”4 G2 b5 a7 m' S& d  M

3 f+ r4 I( ^; b* t$ |- DAnn Landers0 ~. R2 m/ C$ X4 v2 Z4 p
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" B- A8 r7 Q  K) A8 b5 w! {0 W" IOf all the gifts
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bestowed by nature # Z% j; P3 Z  r" Q- D5 P9 ?
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on human beings,
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hearty laughter
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6 X3 p7 {' v6 B7 t. [9 T1 `must be close to the top,
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Norman Cousins) U* N+ e0 @. p3 r
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' e% x" R* {9 w1 O5 P3 z/ c     Of course, the top one is Love, and I'm sure you know what the second one from the top is without my telling you. & P- ^# t1 r, ?( r' y  r. {

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! g( n- B$ A/ t) a8 R/ eMay 14, 2009: Thursday 10 p.m.0 J8 e( j& t1 j: [9 y5 C

: o' V; j2 S' K& [  @     Lately I've been asking people a simple question: "Why do you exist?" and it triggers interesting discussions. I suspect few people think about what their reason for being [Google - Fr: Raison de d'etre] is. Why did God create people? It seems I exist% C6 e( X, \6 u/ Q( H4 m; _5 C

! M6 E- [( p: X8 Aso that I would get the most pleasure and joy out of living as possible. But that sort of begs the question. Why would my Creator want to do that? What good does it do "Him?" What's the trade-off? I get to experience the joy of living thanks to "Him" but what does "He" get in return? So, why did "He" bother? Producing human beings via evolution was a humongous task that took billions of years. And what about the ingenuity it took to design and manufacture our bodies and souls? ! J; _/ z) Z: A& K2 K
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    I keep re-visiting the book: The Hidden face of God, and one scientist says:9 w: Q3 i" ?; h3 M+ I* p

. z; X) b3 y7 I+ }2 Z                    "There's no such thing as color in the world; it exists only in the eye and brain of the beholder.": {6 q# I$ e; v- X
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    Now, I had to give that some thought. It's similar to saying there's no such thing as sound; it's only in the ear and brain of the beholder. It's like that guy said, "If a tree falls in a forest, is there sound if no one's there to hear it? I think so in both cases
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+ E6 O. D  D  |$ r: Fre colors and sound. Those things were there to start with, then our brilliant Creator designed the organs, eyes and ears, to detect them. Same way with all our senses that were designed because there were things out there for them to sense, as well as6 t' Z+ {" A* {1 ?( Z& V: P

3 b, C: z: d4 \- a+ uwith intelligence. It was out there and our brains were designed and produced to detect it. That I believe. Just please don't ask me where intelligence ["God"] came from. Maybe after I croak, I'll find out.2 w5 u( \/ A/ ^# P  s

1 w5 T$ e0 J3 m0 j( b     Isn't life full of marvelous mysteries? Smart as scientists are, they still don't know what causes something as universal and common as gravity. What keeps us Floridians from flying off into space when we are traveling 1000 miles an hour as we go about our business? [Earth is 25,000 miles around and we make the trip from one sunrise to another in just 24 hours.]. Like really knowing God, I don't think they will ever know, just as they don't know where our minds and consciousness come from. You may say God, but that too begs the question? Billions and billions of unique minds and consciousnesses have existed in the past and now, and well into the future. Explain that, if you can! How was that accomplished!
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Sleep on it!) z7 {' T2 t5 I; o5 Z. G1 L/ F5 T8 i
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May 13, 2009: Wednesday 5 p.m.
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0 b  H/ L* N  W+ S, F     Man do I feel stupid! I decided to learn how to play a piano, since I have so much time on my hands. It’s a bear just to learn the simplest things, like relating the 1st seven letters of the alphabet to the seven keys on the keyboard. Well, I don’t like feeling stupid, and if Mozart can play a piano concerto he wrote at age 6, I should be able to at least play chopsticks in just a few months.
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2 \9 J! N7 b3 M1 ~: b7 A    I bought a DVD with lessons that seem simple enough when the instructor does it, but it ain’t at all! So, like he says, Practice, Practice, Practice. I set my laptop on a high stool right next to the keyboard, and I intend to give it my best shot. The great thing about the lessons being on the computer is that you can rewind the lesson whenever you wish, and repeat and repeat until you get it. I now have an even greater admiration for those who can play piano sonatas written by Beethoven, Chopin and Mozart. It may take a year, but my goal is to be able to just play Happy Birthday to You!/ a% @/ g+ F" i' I1 e

8 g6 f8 E0 @& F     My sterile relationship with my foreign lady-friend [she’s only 50 but has medical problems, being seriously anemic] is becoming more and more unsatisfactory, so thank goodness I may have an alternative come Saturday night when my renter’s [Sarah] grandmother “about 72, lovely and lively” will visit for dinner along with Sarah and her boyfriend and 9 year-old boy. Since she doesn’t care for pizza, I will cook my great chicken casserole dinner and prepare one of my super salads. 5 h7 L, r6 J7 }* D5 t% t
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     I don’t see my foreign lady-friend but once a week, she has not been affectionate at all even after half a dozen get-togethers, hasn’t responded to a call I made this morning that is inevitably picked up by her answering machine, and will need financial help with her medical needs. As I write this I am reminded of the fat lady I married and how much I spent on her medical need – only one of which was to pay $30,000 for a new hip. SHE was the most ungrateful she-dog I ever met! 5 U# b! X# P6 m5 c0 ^6 s

2 U0 T; N/ v+ A" B    HOWEVER, I am a lucky S.O.B. Still no pills, in great shape mentally and physically and still trying to snag a life-long companion, even at 88!3 x. @3 y! a: W, ]( `

  B: o/ {6 t$ p; K: n$ tCount Your Blessings!8 i2 A$ P" a* ~6 A8 p- F% i

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May 12, 2009: Tuesday 5 p.m.
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          I shopped at Sav-A-Lot grocery store yesterday, and when I got to the check-out counter, a good-looking middle-aged lady asked me, “Did you find everything you want?” I looked her up and down, and finally eye-to-eye and said, “Not quite. I was looking for a woman about your age” and began to describe her with looks like the lady who was checking me out.     
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         I said, she’s about 5 ft 4, has brown eyes and hair, has a friendly smile,” and looking at her name tag, I said, “And her name is Nancy.”     " x5 X, [  i# A7 y. D! P

2 Q% _, `, R; {& m0 U- _        “I’m sorry,” she replied  blushing a bit, “I’m only 5 ft 2.”  Ah so,” I said, “that’s  the story of my life.” # I# c- y) Y. g' d3 X. \
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        We both laughed, and she said, “No one used that line on me before! Good try.”
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6 [( }, [3 L4 U      ******************************************************************************************
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         I've been giving away my God, Where Are You? book by leaving them on the counter at Club Boom, where about 50 have been taken, and at Norwood's Restaurant, where I know the owner, Don Simmons. I left 50 there for Mother's Day customers and have yet to check to see how they went. I have several hundred copies in boxes, where they aren't doing a darn bit of good, and since it's one of the best books about God, I may as well help others get a fix on who "He" is. ! A7 i' B  T! m3 n" m- U0 s5 B" T
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        I have fun asking people a very simple, yet profound question: "Why were you created?" One young guy said, "For self-fulfillment." [See below.] Good answer. For whatever reason our Creator had in mind, it seems that we exist primarily to enjoy the Universe "He" created. Thank you, Sir. It's been a great ride, so far.   
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4 k/ B- ?2 d7 n* p. {+ j/ M, H3 m      I used the words "He" and "Sir" reluctantly because it is traditional, but there is no such "person." To my mind, the entire
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universe, including us, is a manifestation of a mysterious Intelligence that no one, thank God, will ever fully understand. But, the bottom line is, where else did all of the wisdom, knowledge, and information come from that is embedded in our DNA and genes that governs the production of all of the living plants and animals in existence? And, to go a step further, where did the music come from that was produced by the neurons [brain cells] in Beethoven's brain when he created his beautiful and majestic 9th symphony? and what about the Information in Michelangelo's neurons when he looked at a huge block of marble, saw the Pieta, and proceeded to carve out his masterpiece? What incredible achievements! $ F+ u) f8 A5 j1 L

$ d. P0 n5 B$ i/ q/ cPeace Be With You!0 p% l- y. x. s5 y' e
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May 11, 2009: Monday 10 p.m.
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: b/ f% `2 c; ^4 b: E( \      My P.C. computer pooped out [Larry thinks it's a crack in the Motherboard] so he fixed this one, my laptop, so I can do my entries. It' called Microsoft Front Page. This is from Deepak Chopra's How to Know God:- C% f4 ~+ V( R- b: U4 E
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                                                          The Seven Levels of Personal Fulfillment/ A6 l0 ?* e. `& M
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     God is another name for infinite intelligence. To achieve anything in life, a piece of this intelligence must be contacted and used.
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1 ?1 K! S" l; t2 IIn short, God is always there for you, because your intelligence comes from God's infinite intelligence, which has no end and neither does ours.
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          Level 1   You fulfill your life through family, community, a sense of belonging, material comforts.5 F# v3 e: e, i. K9 I
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          Level 2   You fulfill your life through success, power, influence and status.7 T* b3 G* U3 p; H
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          Level 3   You fulfill your life through peace of mind and self acceptance [If you are ugly, learn to live with it]
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- s6 R5 H$ U+ B/ q* c          Level 4   You fulfill your life through insight ["There's more to life than meets the eye."], empathy [There but for the      
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                          grace of God go I, count your blessings], tolerance [You can't use yourself for a standard; there are different
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3 Q  e2 U' y$ L8 U' i; }+ B                          strokes for different folks], and forgiveness [Everybody has problems & makes mistakes].( D) I& R# S: r' j  R: Z* P

0 x( H' f( V- A6 O% D6 y         Level 5    You fulfill your life through inspiration [Everyone becomes inspired at one time or another; some do something
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                          about it; other just let it pass], engaging in creative activities [There's a gift somewhere inside you. Find it!]
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        Level 6     You fulfill your life through reverence, compassion, devoted service and universal love. [Pet lovers know that;/ Q; z  Z- N$ b

. Y3 N5 C+ M8 T% s3 q                          nature lovers know that, and it's too bad, crazy bastards make war instead of love.2 H" b9 _1 A2 p3 w

/ A, A! e  _" O; U, l" d+ k" m8 n' ?        Level 7      You fulfill your life through unity with the divine. When you see God in a beautiful flower, a baby's smile, your; o  h  E  h) i' N( ]) ]
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                          loving wife's face, the majesty of the heavens, in art [Michelangelo's Pieta and God Creating Adam painting]* T& p/ Q& `- H

6 f. B3 k' i5 S( D  s                          in beautiful birds and sea life and in music [Beethoven's Ninth Symphony] you are in union with God who gave
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                         you, and only you, the gift of being able to sense beauty. Pigs don't notice rainbows, now, do they? That's
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                         why we are so special and miraculously so, if you think about it deeply enough.   7 w/ \% d3 D0 D3 }

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Arrivederci
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May 6, 2009: Wednesday 9 p.m.
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( @3 e3 c' F2 B( s! Q2 `     Today, an anonymous fan of this web site said he missed my entries and asked that I resume them - so here I am again searching my mind to find something to say that has "redeeming value." First, however, I will relate a bit of what is happening in
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! [! S* T4 R% D1 m; p6 H/ umy personal life. About six weeks ago, at an Elk's Club dance attended by senior singles, I danced with an attractive lady with a foreign accent, and again off and on as I kept attending the dances. Well, about five weeks ago, she glanced my way as she was leaving, and I could tell she wanted to communicate with me. The brief conversation led to our seeing each other about once a week at my home for daytime visits. There was zero hanky-panky, not even any lip kissing, which I attributed to her being in poor health, having anemia, anxiety and extreme fatigue. The latter was due to a job paying a minimum wage for maximum work.; y% V" H8 j7 z3 ]2 {, g, h" w
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    When she visited, she would come in the afternoons and leave right after dinner. On a couple of occasions on weekends I invited her to spend the night, telling her I would sleep in the guest room and promising her I that not only would I not hit on her,5 @. l9 L5 j. g8 {
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but that she could also lock her door for peace of mind since we didn't really know each other that well. She declined each invitation, saying it was "too soon" for her to spend the night.
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& U0 v! J- m8 ?8 P' C& x    Well, she quit her job last week, and rightly so, since it was my opinion that it was killing her, especially since she we working with some low-life women she didn't like and who treated her as the "foreigner" she was. Now, I thought, maybe we can at last spend some meaningful time doing things together rather than just sitting around the house jabbering. Last night she failed to call as she said she would to let me know when she would visit me. [She lives 30 miles from here.] So, here it is about 10 p.m. and no call yet. I like the lady, but now I'm irritated. I like affection, and she proffered none at all during the five or so times we were together. Earlier this afternoon I responded to an invitation from a young foxy lady who rents a house I own and who said she has a 70 year old grandmother she would like me to meet. My other lady is only 50 and still has "periods" I suggested to my renter that  we have a pizza party at my house Saturday or Sunday night. If it happens [she said she would check with her Grandmother and get back to me] and she passes my sight test, I will give serious consideration to changing partners. 0 l, i% \. c9 C# W6 F& b
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    Two things bother me about the lady I am seeing. 1. Her lack of offering any kind of affection [I alone take the initiative to give her a hug and a peck on the cheek, which is all that she will allow] and 2. She has a big dog she dearly loves and allows free run of her house, and I think, if we become an item, she may want the dog to stay in our bedroom, if we reach that point. THAT, I cannot abide. I'll never sleep in the same room with a dog! In fact, she asked me how I felt about pets in the house about half way through our dating period, and I flat out told her I didn't like it at all. It was only later that she admitted to having one, and he's a monster!
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     One of my problems is that I'm too damn nice and too accommodating. Part of that comes from my being 88, and hardly in a position to be picky, but I better be or I will be going through some of the crap I had to deal with, with my second wife who tried to kill me twice. [I sent the story to The Examiner magazine and will publish it on this site shortly.]$ Z# A2 |' V( q5 v; B6 b
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    Right now, at this very moment, I feel great mentally and physically, which I attribute to smart eating, working out in the pool every day, even after playing racquetball, and of course, from playing racquetball three mornings every week. One guy, marveling at my ability at my age asked, "How long are you going to be able to do this?" I'm only two years from being 90 and, in truth, I'm in better shape now that I was 30 years ago! So, who knows? Hell, I've even begun another book!
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    Some "redeeming value" thoughts:
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/ H8 t3 ~, c. T$ B2 ?# `; U! NSeems it strange that thou shouldst live forever?- |. D( j9 ^5 u( W
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Is it less strange that thou shouldst live at all?
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" z  h0 \' R1 f% C2 n7 `This is a miracle; and that no more.! P& ?! g" x7 a  A, {

: Y3 L8 [  b' h7 HOwen D.Young $ F: b, M1 O) C, h: D- D, @4 o) N* p
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7 z! c+ g) n  o$ h5 G; a1 i$ U. q$ ^2 F$ F
Death is Nature’s expert advice! @' U% g" D  R' B( l, \! N- V

) ]3 U' Q) w1 ~& `) `0 _. h$ ito get plenty of life.
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Goethe
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0 ?( s6 V0 ~1 z9 I6 A8 ?# [3 o2 kWhen the Great Scorer
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comes to write against your name,& K4 P, ?- L" U/ f7 |& }
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he marks not that you won or lost,* X( r  R% k  P# n, r0 _, w! p' }5 k

2 V2 V; \! n: E: F# U' G8 [$ j3 }+ zbut how you played the game.- J+ U  L! p% P7 V

1 U5 \6 j) Q/ b& N( j" RGrantland Rice$ t+ i6 V8 L/ h

$ E8 _* ]& f$ n2 j% b
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6 |; w# W3 \% @Some men
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never seem to grow old.
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- o: |! V( }3 ^Always active in thought,! o9 ]  k8 N$ S

+ M8 Y8 x. R: f7 t. e4 |/ h$ Z4 r$ falways ready to adopt new ideas,
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" N6 `  J9 m8 j( H1 pthey are never chargeable with fogyism.
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Shakespeare/ ^( ~, s0 k$ O

$ l' L. |6 V2 ~+ c/ ^5 ~: w/ @
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. n& V5 `* l$ \! F+ ^4 d5 NIt is better to go
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to a house 2 y1 J2 L- g& m0 e

: ^% ]) t2 u" W& l5 N4 e3 gof mourning: T' T3 _2 ?7 ^
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than a house
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of feasting." e- @6 E  R% w# J( a( h& _

1 e" P3 Q$ m$ u2 P' G4 ?  C( S+ OEcclesiastes 7:2' ?- K/ `9 i9 L' Q: Y; F
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- G0 z* W* R% R0 R% s6 v9 W" R3 {        Here's to Mary B. [Babs] O'Connell Sganga, my wife of 57 years and my Eternal Soul Mate: I rededicate my remaining years to doing as much good as possible in her memory. $ g) \( h# A% |0 q
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# f9 j# O  C; j8 J4 l5 Q7 i0 V$ ?March 4, 2009: Wednesday 9 p.m.
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! m6 Z+ \; L/ o: }     
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' v: z& s7 Z7 `" x2 ~, t; ?4 o4 [/ oThe only “things”
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that really matter  j+ X7 V7 O! s4 \5 z
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are  feelings
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   and Love8 H; k( b; N5 P) b- f7 F4 H8 ~
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tops them all.
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3 B, A% c: c4 J  d  ^Francis T. Sganga6 j. {( D3 V3 E6 D

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. @& N# _+ R5 I/ u/ n# H8 F5 eAnd when the physician said,
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“Sir, you are an old man,”
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“That happens,” replied Pliny,
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“because you never were my doctor.”/ Y/ x7 b  H+ z6 P6 u- A; G

! J) P# N! ?' d4 c( @; iPlutarch
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& l* p1 J3 [0 Y4 Y1 PIf fame is to come
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, P2 d* i# ^" T$ aafter death," f! a. b4 J' z" a
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I’m in no hurry for it.
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Martial# s8 ^4 Q3 ^3 z* t0 C
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$ D- ?8 N! q# B7 V& l4 p5 |/ hA Toast:
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7 G# j. I( l9 hTo those who live and toil 9 Z) Q1 I# w( ^# z8 Z" O9 _, U' H
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and lowly die,
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who pass beyond
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8 r/ O5 }0 t/ H3 @& K; g( {and leave no lasting trace,
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to those from whom
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our Queen Prosperity' t3 z3 Q# }6 L- S! l; Z4 K
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don’t trouble more to celebrate. C( K7 ^7 C) B: p

+ v# f3 B: s- H3 I& e. Xthis natal day of mine,
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& `( @9 z4 N# D( ubut keep the grasp of fellowship2 v7 W* F( P- E& c
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which warms us more than wine.
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2 b& m( ^3 D# d- |* m) V* lLet us thank ) S$ \, j+ Z& ], i! M% P4 {

) [" a  }/ T( h, N1 athe lavish hand that gives& e% S/ j# o3 |7 f. e! o6 q

/ u- x3 P1 p7 y5 p1 \5 xworld beauty to our eyes,' U# r! h5 q  @- v# g1 W" F/ T

6 w/ U  O+ I: J, xand bless the days   ^0 Y) Y6 r- [: O

2 r6 k- `! \' o/ [8 |, Nthat saw us young,  m- {  R1 v) ?

5 v( V* P) S5 H8 F% _" Z' ~and years that made us wise.# E8 I* w3 b1 Q0 u, ^2 D8 }
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Julia Ward Howe
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0 Q3 M( X: Y. R' W7 u/ @; k* MNot one of them
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who took up in his youth' u$ a; j7 L: r7 x% B& J5 H
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with the opinion . ]- F$ O) T1 k/ J5 F0 j
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that there are no gods,8 H+ `6 i, }$ D; E7 p

/ c0 I' R  E; r5 j+ n7 T1 k0 b" M+ lever continued until old age
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: a4 x9 W. i$ N# cfaithful to his conviction.0 u$ H. v; z% S2 g' h/ c! n' }9 h

% C  U  i: D; V% A  YPlato ( [; D4 E; S5 |2 }
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' l/ u/ x- l6 X) p- F) NI fancy when I go to rest
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someone will bring to light 8 ~9 L, d9 U1 H9 g

% |5 b5 ]! ^2 hsome kindly word or goodly act 0 }& J' {9 f  V7 [+ [0 R( ~8 e

* P+ ~# [. B0 H0 ~# G/ Plong buried out of sight.
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But, if it’s all the same to you, ; [8 K. r* a0 o5 a9 R: r
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just give to me, instead,
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the bouquets while I’m living ( w6 u! g& q6 i& K
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and the knocking when I’m dead.
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Louis Thayer ) j. j4 F: {. _0 H& @* J. }% `

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. n4 A9 G/ E5 }Aging is like an incurable,
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  D- X' ?1 O4 |slow-growing cancer. - g6 u- h- ~9 k) [
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You can’t beat it, 0 ?- o5 N7 X  Y8 z$ W( S2 Y6 y
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but you can fight it
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with all the weapons# }, n' `1 I) a& M( B

; V" h" \3 d! e" ^ at your command
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. ]% E5 b1 g& vand defy it by constantly
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2 \4 {5 j/ @# Qthinking of your body
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$ ]; i+ Y, Z8 G9 s3 V" pas the Temple of your Spirit," F2 o# V7 J" ~

8 w4 B8 H* z% s2 P9 ka gift God has given you
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3 n% a; L% P4 Z5 _for the time being. / m: v, z7 z8 [4 N; L  ?( V0 ~

9 _# o5 j% I8 _William Burns
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As Caesar was at supper,
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the discourse was of death – & S- _& O, f: s) u3 u
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which sort was the best.% F7 [) t% d* y9 S" Y! z# V: _
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“That,” said he, “which is unexpected.”
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4 T- [% H6 e9 x# l( ~/ ?Plutarch
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- G' z% B5 a, wTruth sits upon the lips; I# c( Z/ l) c, Y- v
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of dying men.  x# f5 t) C) Z/ G+ D

+ U  f; ]) v* j* @* BMatthew Arnold5 ~$ G$ G5 }% S' C

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4 C1 H- l6 I+ IOh, a trouble’s a ton,
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or a trouble’s an ounce,
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( M; Y1 Q: I) `0 f6 Y9 f2 Q5 B. Y& ~Or a trouble is what you make it,
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& Q* `5 f) i+ X* a! RAnd it isn’t the fact
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that you’re hurt that counts,
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But only how you take it.
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Edmund Vance Cooke % |" b" J6 |4 r/ H, F
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February 28, 2009: Saturday 9 p.m.2 H8 `0 Q* L* R

. T& ]& {9 D) G. ]3 v    In re-reading Gary Zukav's Seat of the Soul, I found these notes I made in the margins:
4 }1 u4 J# P' ^7 o               I keep asking myself: 4 U) ^* b3 a5 B7 P3 L

' P; ^1 v0 D, I6 l, e# F8 X                                                      Is what I am doing Soul-Satisfying?
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1 E. W1 }5 N; |) b! I! n                                                      Does it make me feel good?
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                                                      Are you happy with yourself?
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                                                      Do you have a great sense of well-being?
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! _4 I. [. \5 Y6 v, G( I                                                     Soul-Satisfying thoughts.
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                                                     Soul-Satisfying actions.
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* U' r# t/ \2 S7 r; |3 H+ Z9 Z                                                     Soul-Satisfying relationships.
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. h9 p, e3 y/ x7 O' ^                                                     Soul-Satisfying jobs.
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                                        If something doesn't feel right, it's your Soul's warning light." s1 I4 |* t* |- G+ s4 {
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       From Words of Wisdom: : E8 c4 ], L  g( Z% Y; Y3 h

2 P) G/ B: M- \  Age does not protect you
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) j0 q6 [# G* u6 X7 I5 _! wfrom love,. p7 t; C, _3 ]

4 c+ ]1 S9 h* ~/ p9 X1 f2 |& ~but love, to some extent
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; }$ ]" r0 c% l* Eprotects you from age.
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Jeanne Morgan' P- F7 g8 _% |2 J% J
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The cure for all ills and wrongs,$ P! T1 V5 X3 N3 d' D: b4 v* ~! Q
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the cares, the sorrows0 U- p1 w. K; ]. u
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and the crimes of humanity,
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all lie in the one word: 9 N; n+ v- }4 Q6 A$ o
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“Love.”) z" `/ m) ?) s, ^
2 d) `% D: T" t: g) M# ]% H# ^
It is the Divine vitality that everywhere  B) m/ u9 n$ m( e( r

5 b5 S5 ]3 @/ |1 gproduces and restores life.. h( v  B- B4 S1 A2 V( ?0 K7 A
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Lydia Maria Child
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- Y; U" y7 b) Z9 c. Q+ U! G. ]2 U3 ~6 F( @You don’t love a woman 4 P! l* ]) ]% n4 v; `9 `* z
4 B' o! i: r! I9 r
because she is beautiful;
2 Y4 v; j. w0 T3 e" t7 N, [( i+ U- [, H3 N8 b4 h! k
she is beautiful   ?0 i9 H+ d# U" ?9 g! A! }

, E* H( C& [5 z0 E0 O3 zbecause you love her.8 A4 h' `# v& m2 m

" V, Z4 b! \2 u$ b5 OUnknown3 L) {( U- v  A4 o, e& s
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$ B% Z: g/ h) a% w* b; l8 W' q& j

; R- v# _1 A( f+ J6 w4 PIt is not a lack of love,
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but a lack of friendship
1 h3 r8 f4 P' K( G, ]: t& [' m
, M1 S" S; F6 e# _that makes unhappy marriages.+ |+ |0 w% \2 o  K/ F( u
( u0 j1 H0 M8 W/ c, U- S  Y( r6 a
Fredrick Nietzsche! H& k* X/ `- J, g

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" A9 ]: a/ j6 Z& @9 x/ `' l6 F) C1 }: }6 a2 b
Of nothing comes nothing:
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3 G$ r  f* u; N( P( M- H$ USprings rise not above
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their source in the far-hidden 6 b5 R+ W" w6 `1 k4 m$ U0 W! u

" l+ V$ V# A9 M, C8 ~7 nheart of the mountains:
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Whence then have descended 2 X0 E  l1 ?. \& S% ^( F
9 Z# Z* R6 \+ U! I+ }* V
the Wisdom and Love
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' Y+ L1 S' a/ Wthat in man leap to light
1 B/ U0 [% L, H' t2 k, ?( Y4 A
" i; I2 p5 I7 N8 q# k( Win intelligent fountains?
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John Trowbridge
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- D( t0 G/ k, B0 b5 y

# Z% e7 U& f; YLove is what we are born with., K7 Z- \3 B" |* H: y
& A6 C: S  ^0 g, h! I8 E# F- k
Fear is what we learn.3 R+ u: `7 l/ {, I& W6 O

3 p8 U, d9 H- Y# J" h9 `& MThe spiritual journey5 o- b5 f$ ^* U: q+ K6 X! ?. g

8 I$ y6 V. x7 F& Tis the unlearning of fear and prejudices
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4 _7 h2 G" P5 J( i/ E% F: eand the acceptance of love- Y& k/ D) m- p4 L6 l  b) p( f8 P8 |

% X& h5 G; x  t8 i" p. `0 Z* {/ wback into our hearts.
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/ T6 ~' M. \( |; g5 U* pLove is the essential reality
" S% [- k) ]8 Y3 s
$ u- h1 x+ F* r3 E3 C6 [and our purpose on earth.# g) a$ e# N6 C7 l/ R

2 H5 D5 o* Q! r. @2 u: gTo be consciously aware of it ' g" U8 G% V. l. B7 B  Y5 c. M

, s% S; X3 F& ~+ [; `to experience love 4 \, G& t  f8 X; \

4 K4 p7 ~1 h& X9 G; bin ourselves and others,' }0 F, H0 V* o9 `0 U

, P* j% c  g+ M& s/ M5 X7 S2 D; C8 Jis the meaning of life.3 e% i. q0 J! p( b

$ E! _# E: O' yMeaning does not lie in things.
5 {) I& i) {/ I5 f0 Y; _2 V" }  h6 B- K- f; r
Meaning lies in us.
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: T! R$ F6 x6 a) Q6 F2 @. J0 U/ dMarianne Williamson( o9 z: x& P, ^- P
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When a man is
$ ^! F) x' n7 h0 o9 C
8 {* @. P5 ?2 A6 v- C1 ein love or in debt,
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! ~1 _! z  ~) Lsomeone else " w1 |6 [8 `# m8 w4 u+ B& L, @
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has the advantage.
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William Balancia8 T& X& L# B2 T0 c4 Y" u' K
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A man in love + N+ g7 N6 C$ K3 F2 v

5 `6 K: m* y+ J% z5 s% N8 j2 ois incomplete
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until he has married.
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Then he’s finished.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor0 n% \" P: {4 }4 d& x

( u8 l; |, L( d) H  _5 d                                                   
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        Arrivederci!

linxingxing

I came to “exist”
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embodied & A5 j" }- D& T0 C; o/ s/ y

! Y8 K/ C7 \7 K* B$ r; z4 s7 Afor a brief moment" m' y9 v" Y7 R8 p

% j; a; i' r; qin Eternity,& I5 W+ a2 d" I1 O5 p
8 h* S& p/ }3 U
wedded to a body,
) \6 d( v: r. @- F3 T8 n# ?8 c/ n
0 x7 U  m2 `0 _3 b! ]5 Wcreated by the same God: W/ R' W. z7 [9 {% V/ b

. A; G; Z& K4 |4 Q( @9 T$ J! Uwho created me
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till death do us part.
9 n/ q! t* D! N+ K! T7 P$ g
" q6 Z  ~. L4 s3 _8 w9 YFrancis T. Sganga
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Is not LIFE the greatest of all miracles?; Z' S% W$ \, H% H5 s: g6 r
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( U/ V( S/ L( ^
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Guidelines for a Happy Life& [  r1 b% }" r; X
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           1. Strive for a sound mind in a  healthy body.
2 H7 X% L* Y: v& y( f
( s0 k  Z9 ~1 N      2. Find a life-long compatible companion
9 |# R( Z" K4 b1 J% J- U' g5 j# p8 C, e: h" u" I6 s
                              who has a sense of humor and is compassionate.     1 j0 m0 R2 |* Q5 i! E; P
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                3. Choose a career that provides a maximum of2 U3 D2 }: F! j! _) _

$ w" d: F3 B% B4 ]: y) pindependence and satisfaction.
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% s3 V. P7 U7 X, v' |' ^                            4. Earn as much money as possible as soon as possible. ; ?! e! ~! h- c
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                   Francis T. Sganga
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) ?0 m+ K* O% ], i8 s8 F " Z! b3 O+ @* V6 k1 T6 L" B: d' \; h: m" y

6 i! A& L7 [# ^                 Nature is the mirror
/ L; s0 ]: x* q$ e0 y/ H1 p2 |/ u, Z0 n2 g4 u% G! ]+ L- k6 t) n6 O
                  reflecting God, ; C* v2 V& ]' [( u
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                as by the sea reflected is the sun, " s" z& ~: T/ P5 j' b7 g
& G$ n+ k7 s& [( j
               too glorious to be gazed on in His sphere. 6 w2 t3 x9 d( B4 b6 E% o
1 }- U8 b" S: x! c+ g; j' [/ Z
                    Owen Young* A( l* L7 S$ J5 C4 o! R
% A$ T. m  v& }! U
     
& l+ m5 {5 d  r! C
( [# T  [4 Y" q( P+ R$ k% O6 f' U    I'm still wading through Deepak Chopra's The Book of Secrets, and on page 204 he talks about the Misuse of Time as follows: ! }7 c" l# d) c! j( @
4 c" h8 t8 a0 c/ Y# A+ G8 l/ y
                                                       1. Being anxious about the future.
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0 j' G9 R; c& ^: L4 Q, }5 q7 h       Comment: With millions of people out of work and millions more losing their jobs, is this not a no-brainer?     
8 F8 B; ?1 I+ s# B! D( C
; x: Y$ s, J9 T3 b' ~                       Of course, there are millions more like me who can are unaffected, and I am not anxious about the
, E. K& x2 W5 q' X7 N: \# S3 H( L, {4 R* ?9 Q! _" y. Y
                       future at all, even death. What's the point? It doesn't change anything?
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5 d4 U  h) k4 t# m& Q# j4 p6 @ 7 _* }; J% Z7 w) e1 }2 y" a
1 Y# x% e8 Y2 I: }+ P
                                                      2. Reliving the past., n: @9 g0 T1 [6 L' ]! o' h$ E

4 |  m9 a* v! S+ \      Comment: Guilty. I can't keep from doing it. I suspect doing it as much as I do is the result of living alone with lots
6 i7 t0 F6 u2 J8 `. h' a& j  _( i  \& \6 w7 X* s+ ?
                       of time on my hands. But I do interrupt my mind deliberately, knowing it's nowheresville.
1 T* m4 s# ~4 ?$ M& c
! c/ ^1 N- z- r) M. H: E # }0 Y/ g" M8 t6 L7 ?

5 A7 ~# [" L: M0 D8 j                                                    3. Regretting old mistakes  d1 B6 t2 p: K; }- {
1 \7 I& k, u+ {; l- R* A* [1 ?
     Comment: As I told my lawyer-son Brian, I quit regretting all of my mistakes. It's just another exercise in futility,$ U. k: M  k) ]9 [" _6 ~5 a, O, d- Q
; [' b; }; J+ U7 Q0 o* y
                     like worrying. I told him I'm just taking life as it comes on a day-by-day basis, and getting as much
/ n1 z* T0 I, S7 \9 k3 Q
# B5 w$ s& n) @: N+ m  y                     enjoyment out of each new day as possible, because I am acutely aware of that they are dwindling: ^8 }- z  O# D. J) x
8 \: j& I8 ?- Y# Y  @
                     down to a precious few.( _' k0 Z* t5 j0 r! d9 k
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                                              0 Q% J$ n' [& h. A/ \% D2 Q5 N2 K
' F) D; c. H/ }6 r0 h
                                                
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( ]! m  R, o+ v# H# B! h& a. N         
+ t- E0 k2 Z' c6 r
1 o: z' i% m# a. y6 W' m% c: @5 jNovember 1, 2008: Saturday 9 p.m.( m, J6 o( ^* }1 g, A8 t. }
- f* ?1 p5 k4 O- H, @! {; W; Z% s, N# h
                                        Proverbs 4:7& o% m4 G- ?/ f0 H7 u( @

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August 3, 2008: Sunday  Noon4 G( k% ^& r8 t

6 E, e9 K* ~( b6 j. f, e       WARNING: Women should be extremely cautious when they are being treated by a Mid-East trained doctor.
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1 x- h9 {9 @3 V% A I am about to tell you a sad story, one that you will experience when the time inevitably comes that you lose a loved one % A5 P2 Q4 ]: G. a6 _7 a5 O! ^
! i2 w: P+ L7 J7 H# O
to the Grim Reaper. This is an account of my horrible experience:8 V- _* h- v4 g3 L2 h

1 n- E6 l2 o/ [& i* D" v                                                           Eternal Soul Mates- a; F# {1 W; a2 w' O4 b

* R5 S3 h% j7 J. j                                                                      Pathology Findings: July 19, 2003/ w+ [: e* N) U& Y& t

! {; |  ]. N+ e% P                   The patient is a 78 year old female. She has a 5 cm. mass in the cecum.
% q9 L# d9 T8 o3 c* g' e5 Q% e; u5 w3 l; d7 t
                   This appears to have extended beyond the confines of the bowel wall.
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    The news sent shock waves through my brain. I was reminded of Morrie’s observation that everybody knows they are 6 H- x& R1 H; \9 E

7 h, I7 x% E& y+ o) z% Ygoing to die but nobody believes it. All of a sudden, unbelievably, I heard death knocking at the door!
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2 w  p8 z  s+ c9 ]$ O    The biopsy confirmed our fears:
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/ }: `- o( C+ H4 u% O* m0 q                                          “Cecal mass biopsy: Invasive poorly differentiated adenocarcinoma. ! n0 d5 O" m- N$ Q* B; W& D( d
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                                               Three friable specimens measuring from 0.2 cm to 0.4 cm.”
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3 p, O" x/ y( Z- s    The cancer was in her small intestine. Exactly how much intestine needed removal would be determined when we conferred
* j7 L: k8 ~; T8 u9 E# k. m) ]6 n4 O- Y8 L4 `
with the surgeon. After a visit to the WEBMD website, I learned about the four cancer stages; Babs’ was a stage three.
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    Before the cancer was found during a routine colonoscopy, Babs and I were in good health. Just a few months ago, we
& Z4 i4 K1 I2 {
- c' C1 p3 b) t0 A1 X; V6 ccelebrated our 57th wedding anniversary by traveling to Hawaii along with a group of young honeymooners, and felt and acted 3 n' V0 A, m6 z- D" J, X8 L

$ X. X, `. }) C5 O) Xlike we were honeymooners ourselves. Then, bingo, we’re hit with an emotional earthquake!
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    After the Dr. Ritter successfully removed the cancer along with 12 inches of her intestine, he said he found no other areas of ; o8 i. _8 X7 \6 T9 ^- e

0 Z8 Z7 b% ]# h3 D7 Iconcern, but there was evidence of cancer cells in one lymph node. At a post-operative meeting in the surgeon’s office, we
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2 k" x" w* E( I( t( L+ _discussed the pros and cons of chemotherapy treatments.& \& Y" s; W: C1 [( Z% i/ ~
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    “The survival rate without it is about 75%; with it, about 85%,” he said.8 `4 B: l( M( C' A
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    “Would there be a loss of hair and a lot of throwing up?”
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    “No, the treatments will be low-dose.”! Q) n6 S% z% `6 `9 A/ d

4 V7 J; ~+ u+ e6 k9 L0 P/ ^! Q    Since there was the fear that cancer in one lymph node meant it was in her blood stream, we agreed to go the chemo route.
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9 W4 {2 i) a: z( j2 i    “Where would you like to go for treatments?” he asked.' F5 y7 y% l- z- G

; l  }0 K* Q4 c0 _2 l+ N1 f2 n    “We want to go where we can get the best treatment possible, even to the Mayo Clinic, if necessary.”" B1 \+ `; i/ ?- v/ Z

8 E9 V1 p' k5 l    “All oncology departments follow the same protocol. It’s practically a cook-book approach. You can have it done here or at
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  k# \" Y7 x! y7 h0 Myour local hospital, if you like.”
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       Babs and I discussed the matter briefly, then she said, “I’d just as soon go to our local hospital since the treatments are standard. It would be more convenient than making the 30 mile trip to Daytona and back.”
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     He then read off a list of doctors at the local hospital, and we recognized one of them who had an excellent reputation. “We’ll go with Dr. Favus.”
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    “O.K. I’ll make arrangements for your visit and call you.”
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    “Thank you.”' ~2 h; ]5 W$ f% S' e  _% S  X
+ d, x% o6 ?9 K5 d- F
    That evening Babs wanted me to scratch her back. I got the message when she fetched a stool, moved it into position in front of me on the rocking chair, sat down between my legs, then leaned forward for easy access to her back. During the ritual, raised her arms, and I scratched them too. Her standard reaction was always “Oooh, that feels so good!” Soon, what was normally a scratch my-back-routine, became a moment that led to an amorous evening of enjoying one another fully and completely, which relieved much of the tension we had experienced earlier.  . N' O4 \( n/ d- i
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    After arriving at the local clinic a few days later, we were ushered into the office of Dr. Abdul Sorathia, who had a distinct foreign accent. He perused her records, then said matter-of-factly, “I will be your attending physician. Dr. Favus is overwhelmed with patients, and he asked me to take your case.”) N) N: ~' _+ z6 W0 T; v
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    I was taken aback both by his pronouncement and his demeanor. I sensed a bit of arrogance and his face reflected zero warmth. # o+ X  z8 z, {* p6 e. A9 f
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    I asked, “We are looking for the best treatment possible. Do you think it would be best to go to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville where their treatment would be state-of-the art?
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    He responded the same way the surgeon did, saying treatments are the same everywhere.0 B# \1 [& ?+ J( p5 A4 `0 v
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    Sensing our reluctance to accept him as a substitute for someone we knew and liked, he quickly added, “I too am busy, and it’s my opinion that the treatments start as soon as possible. They are low-dose treatments, since the main threat has been removed, so there is little to be concerned about.”
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    “OK,” I said, “what’s the first step?”
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/ {# s' [8 U* |" _+ ?! {    He got up and led us to the clinic. Once there, we were introduced to the staff who would be administering the treatments, which were to be once per week for six weeks.  
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    He then said, “The people in those recliners are receiving treatments right now. They all elected to have ports inserted under the skin in their chests rather than have needles injected into their veins during each visit. I highly recommend the procedure, since it eliminates damage to your vein and it is less painful. It requires minor surgery, but it’s worth it. You have time to think about it, but for now we’ll do it the old-fashioned way. I’ll see you next week”
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    Early on, Babs decided she didn’t want to endure any more surgery, so she cancelled her appointment with the surgeon. As the week progressed, she began to have mild diarrhea and some vomiting. When she called the clinic, they apologized, saying they forgot to give her a prescription for a drug that would have offset the symptoms. She took the drug, had a second chemo treatment, and her condition worsened dramatically.
, Z$ B3 O* n) Z3 j
1 C/ o4 z* N* `) b! X    Babs called Dr. Sorathia who told her to get Imodium, an over-the-counter medication, which we quickly did. Unfortunately, it provided zero relief. Her suffering escalated and became severe enough to warrant taking her to the emergency room. She was so weak, an orderly had to help her out of the car and into a wheelchair. When she was finally seen by the emergency room physician, his diagnosis and suggestion was that I take her back home and give her “lots of fluids.” His suggestion put my mind in a whirl. There lay the love of my life who was so weak she could barely lift her head from the pillow and he tells me to take care of her at home.
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8 n) f2 r" r  F; l    I could feel my heart rate increasing, and anger mixed with fear choked my throat. “Dr. Jones,” I said, “my wife has vomited every ounce of nourishment she’s taken in; water won’t even stay down, and you want me to take her home! I’m afraid if she’s not already dehydrated she will be by morning, and I’m not capable of handling that! I’d like her to be admitted immediately! He looked a bit put off, but I didn’t care. I was scared, and after examining my taut face for a moment, he agreed to my request.  F  j1 b4 ^+ F$ M4 c
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      Upon arrival the next morning, my worst fears were realized. Babs was put in the intensive care unit. When I saw her, my heart sank. She looked so tired. Her face was splotchy, and her mouth and lips dried out. I was horrified.
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, h1 J! o# Q" P& W    “Where’s her doctor?” I demanded of the nurse..
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    “We’re in touch by phone. Right now she’s being attended to by specialists, and we’re doing the best we can to make her comfortable.”0 e3 E4 a  o  n0 ?: i' d8 m4 u8 F$ i
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    Six doctors were attending to her. Two of them told me she was in critical condition. One of them, unbelievably, told me “to be prepared.”
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& a/ @1 J9 O* q" d9 V    My God! We were told it would be a piece of cake. How can this be happening!?
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/ ^5 v8 }  ]# A( K8 u1 A& f    The nightmare lasted three days. On Thursday she was checked by specialists in infectious diseases and gastroenterology,  neither of whom indicated there was any hope of recovery. I didn’t believe them. I watched her and the monitors praying for signs of improvement. Her respiration was rapid. Friday night her blood pressure was only 76/48. She’s very unstable. She had on a full oxygen mask, and through it, she told me Dr. Favus, the Oncology Department Director, visited her. She said she was surprised her when he asked if she liked Dr. Sorathia, who hadn’t visited her until Tuesday night, three days after she was admitted.  
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    The rapidity of her deterioration was frightening. Before chemo (just 2 weeks ago!) she was getting about normally–driving, walking, shopping. We even honeymooned once.& P6 X0 S6 C4 t  N: V" ~

& u7 }4 ?& w. P! K3 N    By Friday, things got far worse. She was struggling to breathe and could barely speak. I kept looking for signs of assurance, but there are none–visible or verbal. “I love you, Baby,” I told her repeatedly, as I sobbed uncontrollably. Every few minutes I patted her leg to let her know I was still there. She responded, moaned a bit and tried to speak, but I couldn’t understand her through the oxygen mask, and her inability to enunciate with the gastric tube in her throat. When she opened her eyes, I told her to look at me, and when she did, I was unable to stem the low of tears, and apologized. She said it was OK. Damn! Damn! Damn! Finally, Babs asks for ice. She not allowed any; instead, the nurse swaths her mouth and puts cold compresses on her forehead. All I could do was place my head as close to hers as possible, whispering in her ear, “I love you, Honey. Hang in there; I need you so.”
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     Saturday began with a doomsday report from the in-house physician. The chemo chemical destroyed her immune system and white blood cells. Infections were widespread. Low blood pressure is causing kidney failure. A priest comes in. They’re reciting the Lord’s Prayer together. I’m bawling my eyes out with my arms wrapped around my head. After the priest leaves, I go to her side and stroke her hair as I did at home while we watched TV, and then backed off to let her rest. With me are all four of our grown children. Viewing Babs is my worst nightmare. Tubes in her nose and gaping mouth, lips red and cracked. It’s all so unbelievable! I never thought this would happen to us so quickly! Lord, why have you forsaken her?  
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( ^# t% e8 B! O- ^3 H1 s      I put my head against hers and tell her how much I loved her, and how great a wife and mother she was. I sang to her, even Happy Birthday, and she wanted me to continue. We all took turns being with her. A nurse came in and gave her 1 mg of morphine to eliminate any anxiety. It was all so unreal! Just three weeks ago she was fine!: ?. Y, o- D- y& W/ C7 ~
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     At 7:30 that night we all surrounded her. I pressed my head firmly against hers. The others lovingly placed their hands on her as her breathing became more and more shallow. Suddenly, the heart monitoring machine let out an awful noise and flashed a red signal announcing it was all over. Babs is dead! We all gasped and moaned. Unreal! Unbelievable! How could so many medical experts let this happen? How much grieving and heartache can one stand? At that very moment, I didn’t care whether I lived or died!
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1 i; b! O+ d4 ~) w6 S- P7 }     My greatest urge was to lash out at something, anything. But I just held my head against hers and kissed her, as my tears wet her lifeless face. Then, we all formed a circle around her bed silently holding hands. Finally, I broke the spell saying, “Lord, into Thy hands we commend her spirit.” I leaned over, took her head between my hands, kissed her and said, “Goodbye, Honey, you will be my Soul Mate forever.”  , k$ S) P4 ]2 A% }8 A
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     Son Brian tugged at my shoulder gently, and said, “Dad, we have to leave now.” Blinded with tears, I kissed her for the last time, and left with my son's arm wrapped tightly around my heaving shoulders.$ N7 A/ v* f' K4 ]& `3 w
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     Later, I was told by my cardiologist that many doctors trained in the Middle East, where women are less respected than cows, are indifferent to their female patients' welfare. "Dr." Abdul Sorathia, who violated his Hippocratic Oath, was trained in Pakistan.
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0 }: s3 q+ S' I  s* s! F; ^- a( {    Another thing that infuriated me were the entry they put on Babs' Death Certificate saying Babs died of natural causes, which was a lie. The 2nd chemo treatment killed her! I wonder how many others have been killed in the same manner. I tried
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to get the police to investigate, but they said it was a case of medical malpractice, which was not in their jurisdiction.

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